Happy Birthday to me. Yesterday was my 38th birthday. Apparently the approaching Big 4-0 is a huge deal for men, but who cares?
I’d do a 38 Things I learned While Turning 38, but my post around that theme from a few months ago went viral. You can read that now before reading this post:
Let’s talk about what it means to be a man, especially an aging man.
I feel sorry for old people who want to seem young. You look silly to the kids and pathetic to me. Develop some spiritual depth and strength of character. Incidentally, young people respect that more than the Botox and Just for Men.
Most of my audience is WAY young than I am, and they appreciate that I do not try playing the cool guy role. I’m not the guy they’d invite to a frat party. I’m the man they’d consult when in times of turmoil.
I’m not cool, never was, and now I’m getting older.
And I feel fantastic.
American men are obsessed with aging due to the feminization of the West.
Youth and beauty are how women are evaluated, as youth and beauty signal the ability to produce healthy offspring. A young woman is far more likely to have healthy children. While the “ability to breed” is not how to measure a woman’s worth, we are attracted to younger women precisely because our DNA wants to get inside her DNA to create DNA replicants of ourselves.
Men are evaluated based on their social status, resources, wisdom, and masculine self-possession.
This is obvious to anyone with eyes. How many young men enter into sugar baby relationships with older women?
Indeed, aging is much harder on women than it is on men. Lacking foresight, far too many women ride the wave of their youth and beauty, only to find men no longer respond. Women, too, should focus on developing strength of character and godly and worldly, wisdom, but they aren’t my audience. Sorry, women!
Youth and beauty are feminine rather than masculine traits. I used to buy into the media brainwashing. I colored my hair and obsessed over my appearance. I was a vain little princess who stared at himself for hours in the mirror and once even cranked my neck when turning to check myself out in a car window’s reflective glass.
Society no longer values masculine traits.
The message from society and the media has been clearly stated: “Women have learned to become more like men. Now men need to learn to become more like women.”
That statement is fully loaded and of course begs an obvious question. What does it mean to be more like a man or more like a woman?
Those questions keep me up at night, and my best answer is that a man imposes his will onto reality. My defining trait is FORCE OF WILL. If I want something in life, I IMPOSE my will on it.
Yet if you make some comments in public, people will accuse you of being a rapist or sociopath. Society does not want masculine men.
Then I began to consider what it means to be a man. A man’s highest calling is to develop masculine self-possession, which is the fundamental belief that he is full and complete in and of himself.
“I am full and complete in and of myself.”
Validation from women means nothing to me. Even high praise no longer actives my dopamine receptors. While I get a lot of hate, each day is filled with even greater praise.
Neither hate nor acclaim moves me much, as I am full and complete in and of myself.
Aging is a disease, as we should fight it.
Working hard to live a healthy life into your 40s, 50s, and 60s, and even 80s is required.
I enjoy being fit, healthy, and strong. My mind is sharp and has clarity of focus. I’ll take whatever drugs and do whatever it required to “age well” in that sense.
Yet when most men talk about “aging,” they usually mourn the loss of being cool, hip, and hanging out with the kids.
I have some bad news for men still caught up in the night club scene. If you look around and cannot point out the old guy, then you are the old guy.
You’re not fooling anyone.
No girl (not that any have the change right now!) is going to date a 40-year-old-man for being young and cool. She’ll date for you for possessing a dominant nature and social status.
Women desire leadership from men.
A man should be evaluated by two measures – his children and his legacy.
How many hours should a man spend Photoshopping hot pics of himself to upload to Facebook?
That depends. How many children does he have?
If social media has taught me anything, it’s that men are more into themselves than their children.
This, again, is due to the feminization of men
What do your children think about you?
Children don’t think you’re cool, because you’re not, and they never will, because you won’t be.
A son looks to his father for worldly and spiritual guidance, leadership, and discipline.
A daughter looks to her father for love, affection, and protection.
Are you providing that to your children?
Don’t get me started on your daughters…
I also talk to a lot of sons, and most fathers aren’t there for them.
How can a man age well?
Elevate wisdom above vanity.
You can choose to view years as brining you more grey hairs or choose to view decades on this earth as resources to draw upon.
This realization hit me while reading two of my favorite authors – Charles Bukowski and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
Bukowski’s writing is bitter, as he hates aging. A man of the flesh, an old body is less able to partake in carnal pleasures.
Sherlock Holmes, however, embraced aging as acquiring knowledge takes decades.
“When an old man dies, it’s like a library burns.” – African proverb.
How do I want to live?
Writing Gorilla Mindset fulfilled a lifelong dream of mine.
At 19 I was roaming Barnes & Noble for books about life. I was anxious, lost, and confused.
I found an audiobook called How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. I listened to the book and applied those principles to my own life.
My life vision changed.
Dale Carnegie was dead, and yet his ideas lived on. He was there for me when I needed him most.
“I want some confused kid to find my books long after I’m dead.”
Maybe that’s not cool, but like I said, there’s nothing cool about me.
Happy Birthday to me.
Thank you for enjoying these past several years with me.
Cheers to many more!