I was going through some old photos for another article I’m writing when two facts seemed inescapable. First, this was a good-looking man. Second, that good-looking man didn’t feel that way at the time.
At the time I was not happy with how I looked in these pictures. That’s not humble-bragging or fishing for compliments. It’s how I actually felt.
At 37 I feel more attractive than when I was 29-33. Objectively speaking, that’s delusional.
I’ve made mindset shifts since then.
What are these mindset shifts and how can you use them to improve your life?
Mindset is lifestyle and lifestyle is mindset.
Danger & Play began as an online lifestyle magazine. My earlier writing focused on how arranging your life (i.e., your lifestyle) around your goals would make it easier for you to reach your goals.
If you want to meet more women, hit the gym, live in a cool location, have a nice apartment set-up, go wine tasting, etc.
In a way, there was a mindset behind that writing. Yet I couldn’t put that mindset into words as my mindset was unconscious.
Only recently have I seen how Danger & Play has come full circle.
When I wrote about lifestyle, I was writing about mindset. When I write about mindset, I am writing about lifestyle.
It’s easy for me to write about a dominant mindset. I’m a lifelong martial artist, I’ve actually been in fights, had military training, and etc.
That mindset was earned through a lifestyle of pain and suffering. Even training as a low-level boxer or mixed martial artist is brutality. There’s nothing glamorous about slipped disks, back injuries, and regular treatments with a physical therapist.
I have a confident mindset around women. This confidence was earned by meeting a lot of women, getting my fair share of rejections (and realizing you won’t die if a woman tells you to go away), and also having a better-than-average body, etc.
I feel abundant about money because I’ve actually made money. I could start off at $0 and make money again.
Yet there are men who have lived those same lifestyles who never develop those mindsets.
Lifestyle leads to mindset, but only if you allow it to.
Let’s look at a well-known lifestyle, one that is healthy – the fitness lifestyle.
Almost no man in fitness dates up. Rarely do I see a man who has achieved that “aesthetic ideal” with a woman who is more attractive than he is.
I met Greg Plitt’s ex-girlfriend, and while I do not wish to speak ill of the dead, Plitt was not dating the type of women you’d expect him to.
That is true of nearly every man in fitness.
Ultimately men find fitness and bodybuilding out of a scarcity mindset. They never shed this mindset.
We all hit the gym for one of two reasons. We were too skinny or too fat. That is, we were inadequate or scarce rather than full and abundant.
We grind away that old body. Fat peels off and muscles surface.
We start to look great, in some cases super human.
Yet we don’t feel that way.
We stay home alone, or we date women who aren’t hot enough for us, as we believe a hot woman would cheat.
The man looking at us in the mirror is one we don’t recognize.
But what about the man we can’t see? What about our souls? Have our souls experienced the same changes as our bodies?
Do we ever peel away the scarcity mindset?
In fitness you will find men who:
- Complain about bloat as if they are PMS’ing women.
- Won’t take their shirts off because their abs aren’t “dialed in 100%.”
- Cattily decry another man for having small calves.
- Take massive amounts of anabolic steroids to get teenage boys to admire them for being “100% all natural, bro.”
- Do gay-for-pay to afford those drugs.
Yet it’s not only fitness that turns grown men into catty high school girls.
Money turns men into girls.
Right now there is much controversy regarding how much money I make.
Some “men” are saying I only write Danger & Play as a money grab.
Others have said this is a delusional money grab, as I can’t make money doing what I do.
Why do men care how much I make? I don’t sell get-rich-quick schemes. In fact my only products are a juicing eBook and Gorilla Mindset, which is going to cost $9.99 on Kindle and $19.99 on e-Junkie. The audiobook will be $14.99.
These men feel inadequate in my presence, and their egos require them to tear me down.
They have a belief they are not enough. They have a scarcity mindset.
The right lifestyle may lead to the right mindset, but there are no guarantees.
It drives men nuts when I say I have enough money.
Men will tell me, “Bullshit! If you had more money you’d [insert something they want to do and hence presume I want to do].”
How do these men know so much about me and how I live my life?
Yet these ankle-biters have a point.
In the “real world,” I do not have enough money.
I don’t drive a brand new car or own a huge house
But I don’t care.
At lower levels of consciousness, you will never understand me or my motivations and will only frustrate yourself by trying.
Focus on your quest and your personal growth.
I arrange my lifestyle to produce a right mindset.
If you want to develop a dominant mindset, hit the gym. Go to a BJJ gym. Get your ass kicked. Learn what it’s like to be the bottom of the pecking order and to LOSE every day you show up.
Keep losing, but never feel like a loser. Although there is much hate directed towards a participation trophy, there’s some wisdom there.
Showing up to BJJ knowing you’re going to get smashed is not what a loser does. Showing up and taking your beating is the path to becoming a winner.
Treat your losses as resources.
As my friend Keith Lee pointed out, one reason I have the mindset I have is because life has hit me pretty hard.
But, Mike has been in numerous negative scenarios. Trained in martial arts, handled difficult cases as an attorney, been sued, etc. For Mike, being in a bad situation may still cause anxiety. But he was able to handle the situation with relative ease as he has a background in handling bad situations.
But I’m still standing.
My past is not my future.
My past are my resources to draw upon.
Focus on your lifestyle and your mindset. Then you’ll really figure this “life stuff” out.
Avoiding negative, toxic situations help you achieve the right mindset:
- I won’t take on a project or business partner that is high maintenance, even if it would lead to more money.
- I won’t be around family or friends who are negative.
- I won’t argue on the Internet with idiots, and let’s face it, people who argue on the Internet are all idiots.
Seeking out enriching experiences helps you achieve the right mindset.
- I listen to legitimate criticism.
- I push my body hard in the gym.
- I challenge myself with new books.
Mindset and lifestyle are not separate.
You must remain mindful of both.
How can you arrange your life to develop the right mindset? It helps to write this stuff out.
I will avoid _______________________, ________________________, and ____________ because those situations drain me.
I will seek out ______________________, _______________________, and _________________ because, while those situations are stressful, they lead me to personal growth and enlightenment.
Write it out.
You don’t have to tell me or post a comment, although you know I’d like you to.
But you must write this stuff out.
Take an active approach to your mindset.
Meditate on these questions and then take action by arranging your lifestyle to further your mindset development.