I don’t do drama for its own sake.
Although I often “create compelling spectacles” (The 48 Laws of Power: Law 37), there is always a higher calling. There is always a purpose. I don’t feel anger and rage and lash out blindly at the world. That would be uncivilized.
Every now and then someone draws my attention. Someone I can help. Someone who presents a win-win-win.
One such man is Ed Brayton.
(Want two-topping pizzas and get-rich-quick-schemes? Read Ed Brayton’s Free Thought to find out more.)
Unlike Bill Hicks, George Carlin, Dave Chappelle, Bill Burr, Patrice O’Neal, and numerous other highly-intelligent comedians, Ed Brayton was just too gosh darn smart for plebeian comedy fans. (In Ed’s words: “[I got] tired of explaining [my] jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates.”)
After failing at comedy, he began writing a blog called “free thought,” which is about science and how stupid everyone but Ed Brayton is. It appears that Ed reached a downward spiral, turning to food to ease his pain.
It’s a sad tale, but it’s not over.
UPDATE: It’s over, for now. Ed is going to stick to selling advertisements for pepperoni pizzas and get-rich-quick schemes.
To preserve his precious ego, Ed has placed himself on a pedestal. He throws down lightning bolts like Zeus. Just read what he said about me:
“So who is Mike Cernovich? He’s an attorney who sells fit juice and declares himself to be an alpha male. He even has alpha male posture building exercises and appears to be rather obsessed with his testosterone level.”
You are no doubt wondering how Ed insulted me. What you must understand is that people like Ed create an “us v. them” paradigm. Men like us are different and therefore inferior to Ed. It is a way for him to protect his underdeveloped ego.
It’s easy to understand why Ed places himself on such a high pedestal. He is full of fear and self-loathing. Like the tarantulas Nietzsche wrote about in Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Ed Brayton is hurting and he wants everyone to feel what he feels:
- His personal finances are a mess. When he had a serious health crisis in 2012, he had to beg people to help him with medical bills.
- He doesn’t learn from his mistakes, as his personal finances remain as messy as his unwiped bottom. He was sued in 2014 and is now begging people again, as he needs help paying his legal fees.
- He has ads for get-rich-quick schemes on his Free Thought blog.
- He lacks an understanding of the science of will power, as he suffers from clinical obesity and food addiction.
(Ed Brayton looks exactly what you would expect a hater to look like.)
I am here to help Ed.
I will donate $10,000 to the legal defense fund of Ed Brayton if he performs a 30-day juice fast under my (and a doctor’s supervision).
This is not a troll. I sincerely want to help Ed. I have been overweight or obese and understand how much it sucks. That said, I am nice but not that nice.
I have several selfish reasons for my offer:
- Ed Brayton would turn his life around by going on a 30-day juice fast.
- His health and outlook on life would improve.
- I would shamelessly exploit Ed’s success for my own benefit. Why not? It was my idea and I’d be the one guiding him.
- I (and Ed) would make an eBook documenting his successes, failures, and trials and tribulations.
- This would make me (and Ed) a nice amount of money.
Here is my formal offer to Ed Brayton.
This is a win-win. What reason could Ed possibly offer for declining my offer? Does he like being obese? Does he like being broke?
I simply cannot think of one good answer other than, “Yes!”
Ed Brayton is Serving Up Ads for Get-Rich-Quick Schemes.
Ed is hard up for money. What reason does he have to turn down my offer when he is advertising seminars held by a well known snake oil salesman?
He efforts at monetizing his blog are fairing poorly. He is alienating readers in his desperate attempt to raise quick cash. Ed needs help in a big way.
(“Your website won’t load, Ed. Help!”)