When you’re developing a healthy relationship, discipline is important. No, it’s not important. It is required.
Yet far too often people mistake discipline for abuse. This is because we live in a depraved, self-indulgent society that fails to teach men to auto-regulate. Men rant and rave like screaming little babies. It is pathetic to watch.
Discipline requires, above all else, self-discipline. How can you hope to discipline others when your will is too weak to discipline yourself?
As you will see, most men are abusive rather than disciplined. It’s time to change your mindset by understanding what discipline really means.
What is the difference between discipline and abuse?
To understand the difference between discipline and abuse, look no farther than the men in your life – which means take a long look in the mirror as well. Strong-minded men use discipline. Weak-minded men use abuse.
Discipline has a purpose.
You do not harm someone for the sake of harming someone. You only punish a person when specific conduct has occurred or when specific standards have not been met.
The aim of discipline is to ensure that the standards are met. When those standards are met, rewards are given.
Abuse is arbitrary.
“Why are you yelling at me daddy?” That is a good question. Why are you yelling?
You are yelling and screaming because you are weak-minded and undisciplined. You lost control of your emotions and are weak-willed.
There is a time to yell, of course, but you shouldn’t feel anything when screaming. Sometimes you make a commotion to get attention. If your actual body is feeling emotions, you have lost your own sense of discipline and need to check yourself.
Discipline is objective.
What standards must be met? What will happen when those standards are not met. Do you enforce those standards every day, or only when you feel like it?
If you are punishing someone for failing to meet unstated standards, you are not a disciplined man.
If you do not enforce the standards 100% of the time, you have given in to sloth yourself and lack discipline.
Abuse is subjective.
No objective standards exist because you lack the vision as a man to set them. You simply rant and rave when your own “inner child” tells you to.
Discipline is guiltless.
Standards were not met and you did what you had to do. It was hard but it was the right decision.
Abuse causes guilt and shame.
You know you lost your cool and now you feel bad. You go to comfort the person you have wronged. You are constantly apologizing, as you know you are wrong.
Discipline hurts you more than her.
“This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you,” is the mantra of a disciplined man. It does not feel good to punish those you love. Punishment is, however, often necessary.
Abuse feels good (until it doesn’t).
You got that anger out of you and directed it towards other people. Aren’t you just the toughest guy on the block now?
Of course that feeling quickly subsides and is replaced with guilt.
Discipline is based in love.
You want to develop the character in another person. You have a sense of what good character is, because you have objective standards and core values.
Abuse is based on hate.
Abuse is for men full of self-hatred and self-loathing. They want the world to feel what they feel. They would rather watch Rome burn than build themselves into men of character.
Discipline evokes understanding.
She receives discipline with apprehension but an understanding that discipline is required.
Abuse evokes fear.
There is no fear quite like the unknown. The undisciplined man can get “set off” for several unknown reasons.
She grows to fear rather than understand you.
Discipline is for the strong.
Maintaining discipline and order requires eternal vigilance, as discipline goes against the very laws of the universe. The second law of thermodynamics shows that the chaos of the universe always increases.
Keeping those around you in order requires you to fight chaos each and every day.
Abuse is for the weak.
Giving in to the law of entropy is “natural.” Giving into your emotions is easy. Behaving like a child makes you like every other man.