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What Are a Woman’s Two Deepest Needs?

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I am going to do an experiment and need your help. I’ve always enjoyed writing about “game” and gender relations. I stopped writing about those subjects as it attracted negative, bitter little boys. Danger & Play is a website for men.

I have flushed those people down the toilet, and will start talking about game, beginning with this podcast.

Here is how you can help.

Don’t respond to negative comments. I will delete and ban those people. They are not welcome here. The best way to ostracize a loser is to not respond to him.

What is a negative comment?

  • I have no interest in hearing how much you hate women.
  • I have no interest in hearing that women are a waste of time and you are a Man Going Your Own Way.
  • After all, that’s moronic. If you are going your own way, why do you need to tell me or anyone else? Just go your own way, right?
  • I have no interest in hearing how much you hate anything, really.

Danger & Play is for men who want to be better in all areas of life, not for complainers.

If the comments become too much work, I won’t write about this stuff anymore. I don’t like waking up to toxicity and negativity.

There are plenty of sites that allow you to be a negative loser. They sell advertisements based on the many page views losers give them. Go there.

Click play or check the podcast out on iTunes or SoundCloud:

 

The Big 5 personality differences between men and women.

What are the Big 5 Personality Traits?

Go see the OCEAN. The Big Five personality factors are openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism.

introversion

Big 5 personality resources:

Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You (Amazon).

Personality: What makes you the way you are (Amazon).

Gender Differences in Personality Traits Across Cultures: Robust and Surprising Findings.

Women reported themselves to be higher in Neuroticism, Agreeableness, Warmth, and Openness to Feelings, whereas men were higher in Assertiveness and Openness to Ideas. Contrary to predictions from evolutionary theory, the magnitude of gender differences varied across cultures. Contrary to predictions from the social role model, gender differences were most pronounced in European and American cultures in which traditional sex roles are minimized.

Popular Science: The Different Ways Men And Women Talk On Facebook (link).

Gender differences aren’t right or wrong.

Men are different from women.  This isn’t a moral treatise arguing that men are more moral than women, and I of course reject the notion that men are bad.

Men are who we are and women are who they are. It doesn’t make any sense to get upset with women for acting like women.

To understand yourself and to meet more women, you must understand and accept these gender differences.

As a man, you are meeting a woman’s two deepest needs: You are saving her from boredom and anxiety.

1. Women get bored easily.

  • They don’t like to be alone.
  • They can’t occupy their time.
  • “Me time” for a girl means going to a spa and iPhone/chatting with girlfriends.
  • Rarely does a woman “retreat into the wilderness” to meditate on life alone.
  • Group work is a product of a feminized education and work culture.
  • Men retreat into the mountains and need solitude.
  • Women would rather have danger than boredom.
  • A woman is the “most dangerous plaything,” but a man must provide danger and play for a woman.

Now some will say, “Misogyny!” The truth is that men are pretty boring and pathetic, too.

That’s why men like me do well with women. Masculine men are different from the typical feminized Western man and thus can meet the needs of feminine women.

2. Women get anxious.

A man’s primary job is to lead. If you do not lead your woman, you are not a man.

  • You make all of the major decisions.
  • Women reach decision fatigue more quickly than men.
  • You provide purpose, direction, and motivation.
  • A man’s job is to lead.
  • If she’s fussy, do your own thing.

Women and men are different. Understand the gender differences and you will succeed with women.

Any questions?

  • Awesome Brother! My only comment and question in the same vein. Give a woman a little Test or HRT and what becomes their focus?

    • anonumous

      Hey Jay, where have you been?

  • Brett

    You’re just pumping out these podcasts Mike, I love it.

    Ever since I started learning about relationship dynamics I’ve been doing better with women. Especially with my own family. This definitely applies to all women.

    This stuff is crucial for men to learn. Before I knew about this stuff I’d always start out very masculine in a relationship, and then gradually feel the pull toward the girl’s feminine frame. It ultimately destroyed my relationships. Being the opposite of your woman is counter-intuitive. We fit together like puzzle pieces but nobody tells you that.

    My instinct was to relate to women by mentally becoming a woman. 99% of guys I see are doing exactly this. It’s getting ridiculous. Even just physically – I’m noticing an increasing number of guys are so well-matched and accessoried up, I can’t tell if they’re gay or not. There was a time where a well-dressed guy, perfectly manicured, would stand out. Now they’re just joining the herd of sheep. It looks try-hard.

    Lucky for me it’s getting easier to hold a dominant frame; by being more conscious of this polarity and also raising my testosterone by working out, better posture, reduced stress, etc.

    • Danger & Play Blog

      It doesn’t help when men are crying that women are different from men. That sends an unconscious message that women are defective if they aren’t like men. Then those same guys cry about the lack of feminine women.

      Once you become a truly masculine men, there is no game. There is no holding frame.

      There is only being true to your own masculine core.

      Yet the writing about women is backwards. It’s about how to “get” women.

      My approach is to teach men to start acting like men.

      After that, the other stuff falls naturally in place.

      • Brett

        “That sends an unconscious message that women are defective if they aren’t like men.”

        I never thought about it that way. Women will consider this a challenge to beat men at their own game. It doesn’t help men’s expectations either. That’s so meta but it’s true. The only way to fix this is to stop talking and start doing. I don’t expect many guys to come to this realization though. Even most “red-pillers” would rather complain and crusade than just work on themselves. We’re fortunate to have found this corner of the internet!

    • anon1

      >My instinct was to relate to women by mentally becoming a woman.

      I’ve found myself doing that too many times to count.

      With regards to fashion i remember one of mike’s podcasts saying something that people want to dress about “gay minus 1”. So with a bit of colour but not to look like the beige/green/brown/khaki uniform every other guy has, and have a bit of eyecatching stuff, a pair of red pants. um GLL chris has a good article on accessories, but not something ridiculously over the top like game circa 2005 looked like.

    • Tiberius

      “Before I knew about this stuff I’d always start out very masculine in a relationship, and then gradually feel the pull toward the girl’s feminine frame.”
      That’s because you got lazy. It happens. You get comfortable and you get lazy. Masculinity is active, feminine is passive. You have to be vigilant to not fall into that trap.

  • Costello

    This podcast has resonated the most with me thus far. I see it as no greater value for a man to be a leader, commanding his own life above all else.

  • Xistence

    Mike,

    What do you think about making a follow-up podcast to this one that pertains to what needs women fulfill for men? A lot of young men in my age group (early 20s), myself included, were raised in an environment where gender roles were blurred and to have this default mindset of “what can you do for women”. From what I both saw and experienced growing up, any mention of “what can a woman do for me” brought out punishment from parents and teachers and a lesson in respecting the opposite sex. The result of this is that many men in my age group do not have a good idea of how a woman compliments a man outside of a sexual relationship and, obviously, this confusion does not translate well to a healthy relationship. I think that some perspective from someone with more life experience would be very beneficial. What are your thoughts?

    Thanks,
    Xistence

    • Danger & Play Blog

      A woman fulfills a man to the extent she is his opposite. To fully appreciate this, your generation must reclaim its lost masculinity.

      Think in terms of yin and yang. Masculine and feminine.

      I don’t like serious women. I am a serious man and life is serious enough.

      I don’t like combative women. Life is warfare. When I rest, I expect comfort and aid.

      You go out into the world and fight. She keeps the home.

      Being a man is heavy. Being a woman is light.

      A woman should add levity and joy and playfulness to your world.

      That’s why I reject the notion that “Relationships take work.” No. Life takes work. Work takes work.

      If a relationship with a woman requires work, then the relationship must be ended, as the woman is clearly not meeting her man’s needs.

      • Ian

        Im with Xistence in that men havent been taught by our society and communities to be not be masculine.

        I think the main reason is just like Rome we diverted from a free masculine system of polity to an enslaved, collectivist system presently to help a few elite in the central banking realm (you’ve probablly read Ed Griffins “The Creature From Jekyll Island”, “Tragedy and Hope” by Quiqley, etc.)

        Im not gonna howl and moan about how broken we all are-thats bullshit and unproductive. My aim here is to ask a wise man who can breakdown all the hype, and bs into congruent, intelligent actionable paths for guys like me who are younger than you and need to learn the truth,

        What are some books we can read and mindsets we can adapt to throw off those damn PC pinko shackles theyv’e brainwashed many modern men with to enslave us all.

      • AA2theron

        This comment is the keystone to the podcast, but how do you tell when your relationship requires you to “man-up” or “work”?

        • Danger & Play Blog

          It’s the difference between doing and being. D&P is:
          Step 1. Do things that a man should do.
          Step 2. Become a man.

          At first you “do” things that are masculine.

          Then it’s a process of “being” that man.

          Once you reach the state where you are being rather than doing, then the right things happen.

      • OMG… loved this!

  • Al

    Those a great insights Mike, thanks for putting them out there. This post provides a simple and effective framework to view male and female relationships: understand this and the rest falls into place, which for many will be a godsend as it’s easy to get lost in all the contradictory information out there.

    A lot of the contradictions are I think due to the fact that each person will have its own way of doing things (execution will take different forms), but the fundamental principles remain the same, yet what those giving advice mostly cover is the execution (do this and that) rather than the foundational principles (be this – a man to be precise).

    Definitely looking forward to read more from you on the topic.

  • From what I have experienced women do need men who take charge. Unfortunately we have all been conditioned not to be that way.

    Women do not respect a man who does not act like a man and that means taking control and making decisions. Women do not want to be the man in the relationship, which is they tend to be attracted to men who are assholes.

    Men ane women could never be equals but opposites of each other. Nature made it that way so it shall be

    Great post mike

  • The Reactionary Tree

    great insight Mike, totally agree. I was talking to my buddy the other day about how he shouldnt get upset that women behave like women. He needs to accept that and deal with it. Complaining about women behaving like women is like complaining that water is wet.

    For a future podcast I was thinking maybe you can touch on things that make men interesting. Like what things does Mike at D&P do that make him interesting and what are some things men can do to become more interesting.

    • Danger & Play Blog

      Will do.

      • Sammy Navarra

        you should link with @kilmister over at “100 proof truth”. Do a podcast together

  • Elliot

    Don’t want to digress from the topic at hand too much, but thought your point about Schopenhauer and the pessimistic vs optimistic existentialists was interesting. One of my favorite writers is Camus who gets stereotyped as being dark and pessimistic because he describes the absurdity of life. But he was actually the opposite, he was optimistic that accepting life’s absurdity means the freedom to assume leadership of your own life, without the imposed morality of society.

    As he wrote: “In the depths of winter, I discovered that within me lay an invincible summer.”

    However, that freedom also means responsibility – it is our responsibility as men to lead our own lives, in the same way it is our responsibility to be leaders in our relationships with women.

    • Danger & Play Blog

      That’s not a digression at all. Points like that are always welcomed and appreciated.

    • anon1

      >In the depths of winter, I discovered that within me lay an invincible summer.

      brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

      do you recommend any of his books [besides the myth of sisyphus, which i have got but haven’t read yet]?

      • Elliot

        I would say Myth of Sisyphus is a great place to start – its relatively short and gets to the heart of his outlook on life.

        Camus was an interesting philosopher in that he put a lot of his philosophy into fiction, as a way of illustrating how it plays out in the lives of people. His novel “The Stranger” would be another good starting place, its probably the most well known. Other short novels include “The Fall” and “The Plague.”

        One of my favorites is actually a collection of short essays: “Lyrical and Critical Essays” which isn’t as well known but is beautifully written: http://www.amazon.com/Lyrical-Critical-Essays-Albert-Camus/dp/0394708520

        Then if you want to really dig into it, his “essay” (really a book) “The Rebel/Man in Revolt” goes deep into his political philosophy and his view of the relation of the individual to society: http://www.amazon.com/The-Rebel-Essay-Man-Revolt/dp/0679733841

  • Fayçal

    I think that the reason why most men are bitter regarding women, is that they don’t understand that women are different, not inferior.
    Men needs woman, as much as women needs men.

    Lots of them are delusionnal mysoginist because they expect women to act like men.
    They can’t understand that they are emotionnal, not logical.
    They expect women to keep promises, when accountability is more a man’s trait than a women quality.
    She give you a number, fuck you, or anything, she can change her mind because she is bored or scared as you point it out in your podcast.

    They refuse to take responsability and initiative in the way they handle their dating life, which often results in them being crushed by women.

    I don’t if it’s chris or Mike that says that but “i never met a succesful guy with women, who hates them”

    Understand that women are different
    Know that there are roles in a relationship
    Know your role
    Play your role

    • Maigo

      I agree with your point and I think it partly comes down to how men value the truth.
      Most of a woman is simply an artifice. Her looks are down to make up, hair dye, extentions, heels and so on but the real problem is what they say. Most of it is deliberately misleading, you’ll even see grown women openly and blatantly lie to you with a smug look on their face because they know the people around them won’t call them out on it and will often back them up. They’re so used to getting away with it from a young age it doesn’t seem strange to them.
      As most men value direct, honest communication with no bullshit this slowly grates on us or at least those ‘red-pill’ enough to see it.
      I really wouldn’t be as disgruntled with modern women as I am if they’d just stop lying about everything. You would rightfully have no respect for a man that behaved that way.

      However a long time ago I read a comparison that said; if you leave a dog in the kitchen all day with a juicy steak on the table you can’t be mad at the dog for having eaten it by the time you get back. It’s not a bad dog, it’s just in it’s nature to eat the steak. The same applies to women, they aren’t bad people it’s just in there nature to lie and obfusticate at every opportunity.

      Any bitterness or hatred is really just annoyance that they don’t live up to our idealised image of them. Which is at the very core of the ‘blue pill’ or beta lifestyle. I think the points raised in the podcast once again support the idea of treating her more as a frustrating younger sister figure that needs guidance and patience as opposed to a disney princess.

  • Thirty Days To X

    Great podcast. It takes a certain level of genius to be able to articulate a lot of these high concept ideas as well as you do.

    This might sound dumb, but throwing out the question marks in my texts was the biggest game innovation I ever had. Everything became a statement. There was no room for games.

    Without hating on any of the PUA guys, their weaseling and conniving will only get you so far. I don’t know if this will make sense, but adjusting your mindset and actions is a hundred times more effective than memorizing silly stories cheesy jokes.

    The PUA route, in my opinion, lowers your value because it frames you as nothing more than entertainment. Men complain that they have to compete with the iPhone for a woman’s attention, but they put themselves into this position. When you start operating on a higher mindset, that of a man, you ascend to a higher level. It becomes less about trying to pick up women and more about trying to filter out which ones you actually want to keep around.* In 2012 I remember feeling like every girl was a struggle. I’d get flaked out, given the run around, and have a lot of different issues that I’d constantly have to battle with. As my mindset changed, so did my interactions with women. I ended up having girls do stuff like cook me dinner, randomly hit up my phone, and send me a cornucopia of nudes. I basically went from struggling just to land a date, to having control over my sex life.

    * Side note: I’m by no means some super alpha dude or Dan Bilzerian like guy. However, changing my mindset and re-framing myself let me go from struggling with women to having a pretty decent sex life with options.

    • anon1

      Dan bilzerians Instagram always makes me laugh. There’s something very tongue in cheek about it all, most of the uber hot chicks are very high price escorts but you have to admire his. ‘Fuck you’ to mainstream society.

      It also acts as a good idea of what I’d like to do in r&r after gaining wealth (not all the time, but a little bit of crazy reckless does the body good once in a while)

  • Brendan Kew

    What’s cracking Mike? Badass podcast, no joke. The set of points you made regarding men and what they can do is what really got my attention. There really are too many men who whinge and whine over women being indecisive, it’s such a good sign in a woman, don’t you think?

    I mean, my girl isn’t useless, but she’s crazy indecisive. And that’s how I like it. If I’m gonna be honest, I used to complain about it like every other dude. What resonates with your podcast here, is that it was up to me to be more decisive to compensate. Change the mindset, change the dynamics. As a bit of evidence to you other suspicious folk, here’s what I found: the more decisive I became, and the more I encouraged her feminine habits and idiosyncrasies (that make other guys go round the twist), the more she became more feminine, the happier she got and the better our relationship became. It really is up to the man to be decisive, to bring out femininity in a woman by being more masculine.

  • Alexander

    This was excellent, Mike. Please continue talking about game. Also like the attitude regarding negative assholes, no need to keep them around, the world if big enough.

  • Mike,

    Looking at my own relationship, I definitely see myself filling those two needs. I tend to think about it in a more general sense of helping women manage and regulate their emotions. To me, that is the foundation of “game” – regulating a woman’s emotions for the benefit of you both in the relationship.

    This notion is supported by sex differences in emotional regulation. Even brain imaging scans show that men and women manage emotions differently (McRae, et al. 2008). Basically, it takes less effort for men to inhibit their emotional reactions. Women, in contrast, tend to change their emotions by experiencing something different. So, when a man is sad, he shuts off feeling sad. When a woman is sad, she looks for something distracting to make her happy.

    This is why state/frame control is so important for men. This is why leading is essential. Because women are somewhat dependent on the situation to regulate their emotions, if you are not managing things, they will eventually find somewhere else to help them “feel differently”. Of course, a man cannot help his woman manage her emotions if he is reacting to his own. Therefore, one of the foundations of masculinity is controlling one’s own emotions.

    The up side is that helping women regulate and change their emotions can be satisfying for men too. For example, that is why rough sex is often so pleasurable. The man is leading the woman to reframe the excitement/arousal of the experience into sexual desire. Her desire, in turn, motivates behaviors she might not be interested in without that extreme excitement. So, helping women meet their emotional needs can definitely help men meet their needs too.

    McRae, K., Ochsner, K.N., Mauss, I.B., Gabrieli, J.J.D, & Gross, J.J. (2008). Gender differences in emotion regulation: An fMRI study of cognitive reappraisal. Group Processes & Intergroup Relations, 11, 143-162

  • Ben Sexton

    Excellent, and just the topic I needed to read and listen about this morning,

    Regarding what i would like to hear next is along the same question of reader The Reactionary Tree
    “For a future podcast I was thinking maybe you can touch on things that make men interesting. Like what things does Mike at D&P do that make him interesting and what are some things men can do to become more interesting.”

    But in general anything more in the direction that you are heading would be great

    The readers comments add so much insight, and added depth to the podcast, so please do what you must keep us performing at our best

  • wolfxlarsen

    Mike,

    Very fluent, man. Do you ever listen to your old podcasts and compare your performances?!

    Great work.

    • Danger & Play Blog

      Hah, no. I don’t generally listen to them except to do show notes or a track listen. I don’t edit them afterwards either. I record them and upload them to SoundCloud and that’s that.

  • ancalgon

    One additional benefit to this style of making plans — “you decide, your woman usually just goes along with it” is that it reduces mental clutter and helps me focus on the work that I really want to put the core of my mental processing into. This appeals to the side of me that likes sparseness and simplicity. These are the plans, we will do this, that’s it. End of story.

    A bunch of the schlub-like dudes I see at work are often caught in endless, “Do you want to do this? Do you want to go at 5, or at 7?” loops with their wives and girlfriends; and the few times I’ve heard the women’s side of the convo, they seem to hate it as much as the guy does. (I’m making exceptions for the occasional high-T manjawed lawyer chick who might actually enjoy running the show.)

  • Ben

    First off, I don’t envy the young men on this site who are trying to navigate the “female waters” in today’s society. Best of luck to all of you. It seemed easier in my day. Secondly, I don’t think you are a man if you don’t like women. Most times, they can be delightful creatures. I love women. I like to be around them at times and I like getting attention from them.

    Side note for Mike regarding a podcast. Would you ever do a podcast on education? Specifically men educating boys and women educating girls. Perhaps its not relevant or a bit abstract but I think it would be fascinating. There is a lot of conjecture about whether or not this would be beneficial to both of the sexes. I often wonder what our society would be like if that was the norm.

    Good podcast.

  • Abu Husain

    Nice podcast Mike. I’ve always had great success with women when I was unapologetically masculine. Women in this society aren’t used to it, and they can’t help but be attracted to it.

    Keep these posts coming! I like this over dealing with all the details (say this, do that, etc). Just strengthing the masculine mindset which is so uncommon in the US is good enough IMO. Approaches and other things will vary.

    • Ian

      Ive seen countless black men game fine women with a IDGAF attitude and supreme confidence. Much repsect for that.

      Can you break down the culture, ideas, and discuss tactics that work for direct game with women?

      • Abu Husain

        Didn’t see this reply. Sorry for the late response. Most brothers I know are really aggressive with women because it’s how you have to be with black women… almost hyper-masculine if you will. They have though shells to crack, but on the back end they are very loyal once you get through that.

        What works for me is simply telling women what to do. Most aren’t used to being ordered around, plus it’s something of a compliance test for me. I’m able to see how much hassle they’ll be in the future.

        I’m of the opinion that all women want to be dominated and you’re already winning if you show them you’re a leader from the jump.

  • Ed

    I think a lot of confusion comes from people ignoring one basic truth. That truth is that all humans are animals. Certain behaviours can be overridden by society but the impulses are still there.

    From when we’re born we have certain behaviours already hard-wired into us. Biologists can look at other animals and say this is what a male acts like and this is what a female acts like. But when it comes to the differences in sexes in homo sapiens there’s a lot of opposition to certain unpopular facts.

    • Danger & Play Blog

      Yes. As Nietzsche observed: Learning to find your instinct is, in a civilized world, the highest form of knowledge.

  • Sean

    Mike
    You’ve mentioned how you beat your own psychological issues through knowledge.

    What is the root of anxiety?

    How can knowledge conquer it?

    • Danger & Play Blog

      The root of anxiety is physiological (poor nutrition, too many toxins) and psychological (negative self talk). To cure anxiety you improve your mind and cure yourself of negative self-talk. There are numerous strategies for both on this very website.

  • Dave93

    Hey Mike I am pretty new to your site. I found this article interesting. Been following this site for 3 weeks now. I found out about you on goodlookingloser. I have been following GLL gfor 6 months now and Danger and Play seems to be a good addition for everyday life (and Bold and Determined good for relationships in my opinion.) One thing Mike:
    3 weeks ago when I found your site I read many of your articles on this page. But still I am not sure I fully understand this sentence:
    “Masculine men are different from the typical feminized Western man and thus can meet the needs of feminine women” When I read my first thought was: Shit, I never would like to be that feminized man. But how would you exactly define “typical feminized Western man”. I know that you should never be too needy and always be alpha and that stuff. But how could you define it more exactly. WHAT ARE THE BIGGEST MISTAKES THAT A TYPICAL FEMINIZED WESTERN MAN DOES that users from D&P should avoid ?

    • Danger & Play Blog

      Great question. I’ll do a compilation post.

  • anon1

    Going to sound a bit geeky here so I do apologise.

    This whole idea about keeping women from being bored and from being anxious, how would that apply to making the move in the first place?

    I remember you saying that you find an area to chill in and by your very masculine aura women come up to you.

    I was wondering how to apply this. I was never a fan of conventional pua headless chicken game (talk to 50 women, next each one after two minutes, end up with the one who probably noticed and was interested in you in the first place whether or not you run chicken game or not) but honestly I’m not sure if that’s due to my distaste to be a kind of vulture of sorts ( Lions pick and hunt, they don’t change their mind often.) Or if its some level of insecurity on my part to approach. I’ve done the whole high octane dance party animal thing at uni and while it was really fun I don’t feel like doing that overt dhv type stuff anymore. I don’t want a woo girl, I want a girl that is cute, very feminine and won’t easily get into bed to the extent that she had no issues about fidelity or cheating.

    So not sure really how to implement.

    • Tiberius

      I’ve been looking at this comment hoping some more experienced guy would give some advice but I’ll go ahead and give my thoughts. It sounds like you need day game. The only problem I see with that is the girl could be a “woo girl” at night. It’s kind of a crap shoot man. Maybe someone else knows better how to tell but you could also check out what Victor says at B&D about picking up shy girls. It sounds like they’re what you’re after.

      • anon1

        yeah i’ve read his work, its just what i am good at doing [dancefloor night club etc] is not really what i want to be doing. and i am goddamn tired of doing what i don’t want to be doing.

        vic is so authentic in his life, behaviour and ideals that its no surprise he can pick just the kind of girl he wants. its not an act, its not being try hard, he just genuinely is that way.

        i am a hard hitter in training, but there’s that piece of insecurity about me, that i don’t know how to kill. i know if i replace it with validation seeking behaviour from women, thats just swapping one kind of afflication for another.

        i want to be truly an independent masculine man from the outset, but i don’t really know how to get that way, when women and [pursuit of] money occupy such a large space in my mind at most times

        • Tiberius

          This is the definition of what Mike meant when he talked about scarcity mentality. You’re worried that you don’t have enough. Enough of what? I don’t know but the distance between more and enough only closes when you decide.

    • Costello

      Do you feel deserving of this want, or is it just a wish?

      • anon1

        honestly, i dont think i have that fire to feel deserving of it. i want to be independent of it.

        what i mean is, i never want to be in a position where a woman has more power over me than i have over myself

        this isn’t based upon insecurity [though i am sure i have some of that] but pragmatism.

        A man who relies on himself is a man who can lead and be relied upon.

        A man who feels weak in himself or needs a girl to plug a hole in his heart or character is liable to have himself be ripped to shreds when the weaknesses in that new relationship become apparent.

        i can’t reconcil how to go from where I am A, to the independent man C when as i said in other comments, women and the pursuit of money play such a big part of my mind.

        I’m a thirsty guy trying to not be thirsty.

        • Costello

          There is a difference friend, between an internalised desire to attract and spend time with women as a part of a sociable and enthusiastic lifestyle and trying to satisfy a need that you hold as a requirement for enjoying your life, and so feeling that you are without something the whole while. This conundrum has a hold of you, it scatters your thoughts and has caused you to lack confidence, so how do we tackle it?

          First of all, try to identify the root cause of why you seem “thirsty”, what are you after? Why do you want it so badly? Is it not possible that these things you can first find in yourself? One reason we seek relations is for acceptance, and validation, but these are not the truest reasons to pursue them. The first step towards providing value for someone else is truly believing we possess value ourselves.

          To negotiate from a position of power, you must not barter from a position of need, and in order for women to have power over you, you must need them, or want them more than they want you. One way to avoid this potential situation is to simply become selfish in your pursuits, putting your life’s mission and desire to improve above all else. Women should be complimentary to the journey, but are never to be the journey.

          My advice is to let go of the bitterness of this idea that you have entrenched in your mind, that this desire i so important to chase women and money and instead refocus your efforts from this scarcity mindset (I do not have), to a mindset of abundance (I have everything I need). Your life is yours, the reason you admire Vic is that he is authentic because his values and his actions reflect his attitudes. You too can become as congruent, but only if your life achieves focus and you tackle and really try to study the insecurities which appear to be holding you back.

          Remember that you do not need validation. I will close with a thought that governs my own life. I am either actively with a woman, or I am working on my own life. There is no middle ground. Your thoughts create your world and the dominant thoughts you have of not having the girl you seek, and not having the money you want will only reflect back to you an absence of said girl and the absence of the money that you fervently chase. You have enough, we all do, we all have more than enough.

          Your insecurities lie in the thoughts of not having enough. Should you take time to be grateful, you have more than enough. The girl will come if your life is one of courage, authenticity and vitality, and so does the money. Be that person. Do not concern yourself with materialistic gain, as women and money become too often that, they are better instead seen as by-products of a successful living that you create through your desire and your actions.

          You want to be an independent man, C, well first you must be independent of your negative thinking.

    • Danger & Play Blog

      The question is: Are you ready for that kind of girl?

      All men think they should be able to get a girl like that. If you had a girl like that, would you even know what to do with her?

      Most would not.

      After all, you are talking about needing the courage to talk to a girl.

      If you can’t talk to her, how can you deal with her emotions and instability and provide leadership when you have her?

      • anon1

        hmmm youve got a point there

      • anon1

        well how can i go about changing that then? there has to be some kind of way that i can do an overhaul, where this shit doesnt bother me so much

  • Fantastic. I am a new reader of your site, Mike, and am embarrassed to say that I’ve not followed it much before the past few weeks. But reading your stuff here really fires me up. This is a site for real snake-eaters (our old USMC word for ass-kickers). Motivate me.

    • Danger & Play Blog

      People don’t find D&P until they are ready. It’s a pleasure having you.

  • VitaminG

    Downright Elegant. It’s all to easy to become frustrated and discouraged by women’s seemingly erratic behavior. But that’s the natural course of action when their innate anxiety and boredom go unchecked. We provide relief from that…I get it.
    i appreciate the fact to you were able to frame that issue as part of a man’s role to handle, as opposed to a personality glitch we need to subvert in order to get laid.

    Please Keep them coming Mike!

  • Interesting. I hadn’t heard of the Big Five Personality Traits before. I wonder how it compares to the personality types of sanguine, melancholy, choleric, and phlegmatic.

    On another note, I completely identify with this comment:

    As a man, you are meeting a woman’s two deepest needs: You are saving her from boredom and anxiety.

    I read that and said “HECK yes! Finally, someone who gets it!”
    I like it when men are decisive and spontaneous (i.e. take on the leadership role and keep the relationship exciting so I’m not bored).

    I appreciate that you don’t demonize either sex, and instead, celebrate our differences. That men can be men, and women can be women, and it’s completely acceptable! It’s interesting to me that there is pressure in our society for men to conform to a more feminine role, while I as woman often feel pressured to take on more of a masculine role. I’ve felt judged for wanting to be feminine, as if wanting to act and dress like a woman somehow made me defective (a fantastic word, which I notice you used in a previous comment).

    I know that this blog is geared toward men, but I’ve gotta say that I really enjoy it! Keep the posts coming!

  • Linsay Morgan

    I feel a little weird commenting because I’m a woman, and this is a site for men, but I couldn’t keep silent. I just discovered your site 2 days ago and I have been devouring your content like a starving person. It is phenomenal! This podcast in particular was a huge light bulb moment for me. I have so often been disappointed with a man I’m dating but it was vague and I couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong. When you said the part about decision fatigue it all clicked. I now know what has been missing, that I really, really want and really, really need. I can’t thank you enough! I will continue to read your posts and listen to your podcasts. Keep up the awesome work!

  • Hello Mike. I respect You and Your opinions, therefore I came here for advice. I have been dating this girl for almost a year. She is world champion. Travelled the world since she was 10. She smart, beautiful and charismatic (also according to all the other people she came to contact with). She is also very feminine, rich and has incredibly abundand mindset. She also loves me. However she is twice divorced and has teen son. She is also 12 years older than me. In bed she do whatever I say and then cooks me exotic dinner. Never complains and never nag. All her former partner has became either world champions or millionaires while with her – she has some kind of energy that helps you to conquer ( as Napoleon Hill stated). She helped me tremendously with my bussines, with money I would propably earn in 3 – 5 years ! She support me as no one ever. But she is alcoholic leaving for rehab tomorow ( I cannot stand her when she is drunk, she becomes different person, but I have realissed this only 2 weeks ago ). Iam not in love. I dont have this girl on pedestal. Iam definetelly not going to marry her. But I like her as a person, as a friend and as a lover. But man, should I be there for her and take her as a troubled girlfriend at least for a while or just part ways.Should I just exit this relationship?….. Thanks in advance…….

  • dave

    I like to think of interacting with human beings as pressing the right buttons.

    For male friends, I like to push the
    – Make me think
    – Make me laugh
    – Enjoin me in an activity
    – Challenge me intellectually/physically
    – Mutual respect
    – Be kind and resourceful

    And if you want ot fuck up the relationship be cowardly injust amoral and machiavellian… because according to Aristotle man loves Virtue in his fellow man.

    You spot dude cash or do something good for him without an agenda, HIGH chances he’s gonna be fon dof you. You spot chick cash or do something HIGH CHANCES chick is gonna think ulterior motives and DISLIKE you.

    And this makes sense.. becuase these are all the marks of an ally.

    For women.. it’s a bit different
    – Make me feel ALIVE
    – Make me CRY (yes) abuse is necessary.. Matt forney talks about this in emotional catharsis
    – Make me feel penetrated
    – Make me feel excited
    – Take the burden off my shoulders and lead me into your world
    – Make me feel secure, comfortable and peaceful by protecting me
    – Make me feel chosen
    – Make me feel nonjudged
    – Make me feel listened to
    – Make me feel loved
    etc. etc.

    And if you want to REALLY fuck up the relationship.. be boring and supplicating and weak and indecisive. For that is far far far more repulsive than anything else. The thought of having unworthy seed inside a womans womb makes them shudder with the heebiejeebies.

    In Christianity the Bible discusses man’s requirement for self-respect.. and the woman’s need to be loved. This means that no matter what the woman puts she does not emasculate him and disrespect or be disloyal to him. For that shreds and poisons his soul.

    She can withdraw support.. no worries, she can withdraw attention no worries. It won’t hurt the guy. He can recharge in solitude.

    Likewise , you CAN get away with abusing a chick.. it’s not as poisonous as ignoring her.

    • Justin Chaschowy

      Nice post, Dave.

  • Sarah Verowan

    I’ll try not to be negative, here goes: you are an idiot and Arthur Schopenhauer was an ass, and anyone who quotes Schopenhauer on gender relations should be choked out with a tourniquet.

    No, I will not see your replies, and I will not see if you ban me. Back to Bullshido…

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