“Men in their 20s are lost” is how I titled a recent newsletter. I thought it would be really cool if we could do something about it.
I asked newsletter subscribers:
1. If you are over 30, what advice would you give a man in his 20s?
2. If you are under 30, tell me what you need from me. Are you lost? Anxious? What are you looking for?
I expected to get a few emails that I could highlight in a post or two. Then I’d put together a kitschy-titled “20 Rules for Your 20s” post and be done with the matter.
I was wrong.
The response was overwhelming. Emails kept pouring in.
I usually reply to every email, but soon found myself buried.
(This is a good problem to have. I am grateful for every email you sent.)
Men over 30 have been far more generous than I ever could have expected. The advice sent in was top notch, as D&P readers tend to be far more successful than average. (When you get as many responses as I received, some themes appear. In a future post I’ll highlight the themes that appeared in the over-30 responses.)
Men under 30 had numerous questions, although one theme kept surfacing:
How do I find my purpose in life?
That question, among several others, is answered in our latest podcast:
Other questions include:
How can I start sticking to my goals?
I turn 20 in a few weeks. I’ve made lofty goals, but I can’t stick to them. I’m a first year at a community college, and my grades are poor. I keep thinking I can pull everything off at the last minute, but I can’t. There’s only 5 weeks left in this semester, but I still don’t feel any sense of urgency. I plan my days out, but I don’t stick to my schedule. I have no work ethic and no focus. I do my best everyday to be in a state of positivity whenever I’m studying, but I easily get discouraged from deadlines. I don’t want to waste my youth, but whenever I try and do something straining, I come apart. Everyday I tell myself I’m going to strive for excellence and seize the day, but I usually end up wasting it all. I don’t want to be stranded at a community college for too long, but I’m so far behind with no discipline. Its so hard to hold myself accountable when I have no self-restraint. I’m disgusted with myself before I go to sleep. I berate myself everyday, with my inside voice telling me that I need to change. But not much comes of it. I’m lost and discouraged in everything I’ve done so far.
What’s the best way to measure bodyfat?
What values/principles are the most advantageous to have in my life?
I don’t drink. How can I meet girls?
How can I avoid being a vagabond?
So my main question is how can I really find/pursue my passions I do have (thus far reading, writing, and lifting most recently) and go “all in” on something? Being an entrepreneur and running my own show is very appealing but the ideas factory has produced null. For another reader on the “Ask D&P anything” thread I saw a young man in a similar situation and you said enjoy life to the fullest, bang girls, lift, work on business ideas among other things. Is that ultimately a waste of time being a “vagabond” in some capacity? I know my question will be similar to many others but this is what keeps popping up in my head.
Where should I live?
How can I find friends who are winners?
Hi, I’m 19 and a college student. I have some friends who I do enjoy spending time with, though while they’re not “losers” who don’t want to improve their lives, they’re not really winners either. Unfortunately it seems like pretty much nobody is a winner though that I see. Everybody’s super insecure in college, and social life is far more of a game than I ever imagined. Nobody seems honest with themselves, and everybody is posing.
I remember an article you wrote about 10 year friendships that was really interesting, and college seems like a time where those friendships would start, but how do you find the ones that you want to start those friendships with? I don’t want to sound bitter but it’s hard to take any guy seriously. I thought I’d be more fulfilled by now.