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How to Become a More Dominant Man: Body Language and Physical Presence

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[This is part 2 of a two-part series on how to be a more dominant man. Part 1 shows you have to have the mindset of a dominant man.]

Two types of social dominance.

Social dominance can be understood in one of two ways – dominating others or not being dominated. I tend to think of dominance as the latter, that is, to be able to do my own thing.

If you want to become a CEO, then read your 48 Laws of Power. I am not particularly interested in dominating others in the 48 Laws of Power understanding of the term because leadership is slavery.

Let’s say I wanted to increase the audience audience for Danger & Play. I could build a huge audience if I changed my tone and changed topics. I could tell normal people they are great instead of telling them to go away.

It would come at great personal cost to my soul. I would have to water down my message. I would be a slave to whiners and complainers, asking before publishing each post, “What if I offend someone?” I’d need to be politically correct and I’d need to tolerate the weakness that exists in the majority of today’s men.

I most certainly will not.

Danger & Play is my soul and I will never pollute it to become a leader of pathetic hanger-ons and other space-taker-uppers.

I seek to be dominant in the sense that other people leave me alone and let me go about my business in peace. When I’m in groups my wishes are respected and criminals know better than to mess with me.

There is substantial overlap, however, and if you can go without being dominated then chances are you will find that you are often the leader of the group. Even a longer can develop charisma.

Rule 1. Eye contact uber alles (and put your damned iPhone in your pocket unless you want to look like a victim).

Respect the power of eye contact. If you have solid eye contact game, you have met the 80/20 rule. Eighty percent of your success with other people will be met by taking the 20% move of making and holding eye contact.

If you have poor eye contact, nothing else on this list matters. Eyes are the gateway to the soul. If you look down at the ground like a servant, you have revealed yourself as a slave who does not look up at his master. It also makes you look like a victim.

The other day a fine urban youth living in Section 8 housing was standing in the middle of the street. I saw a girl on the corner, another fine lady, and could sense what was about to transpire.

This fine fellow started to move diagonally towards me. I looked him in the eyes and smirked. With a look I communicated that I welcomed his affections.

He stopped, looked down, and shuffled his feet back to where he was standing.

Had I looked down at the ground, I may have ended up like poor little Matt Yglesias, a self-hating liberal who was a victim of the Knockout Game.

matt yglesias knockout game

The truth is that I wish he had come closer. I would have thrown a brutal overhand right once he was within distance and reminded him that not all men of my socioeconomic status walk the streets in fear.

When you meet someone, look them in the eyes. Hold your gaze for 1-3 seconds, long enough to register that you’ve looked them in the eyes but not long enough to look like a creep.

Exception: There’s one notable exception to eye contact and the streets.

If some really criminal type looks you in the eye and mean mugs you and it looks like you might have to get into a fight, you should still not look down. Instead, keep your chin up and look the side. This allows the goon to save face (you’re not directly challenging him by holding eye contact) while also suggesting to him that he seek out a weaker target (since you did not look down showing him you’re weak and thus someone to victimize).

Bikers

That’s how you diffuse a potentially hostile situation without punking out. He saves face. You save face and don’t look like a victim.

Rule 2. Stop smiling so much, you goofs.

Does this look like the face of a victim? Of a follower?

Mug Shot

 

Girls always tell me I need to smile more. Well if girls think I am so ugly with my Mr. Frowny Face, why are they always talking to me and grabbing my arms and telling me how great my back feels when they hug me?

I smile when around my god daughters and my dog. Otherwise I don’t see any need to smile like some goof.

Rule 3. Show respect. Do not tolerate disrespect.

He is the nicest guy ever. Just don’t piss him off. – Friend of Danger & Play

Civilization is a remarkable creation and we should respect it. Treat others with decency. Treat every person you meet with respect.

However, some people will mistake your respect for weakness. It is important to let people know that your kindness is not weakness.

If someone disrespects you (especially in that modern, passive-aggressive way), call them out on it. Ask them what their problem is. Tell them if they have a problem with you then they need to be a man and explain what exactly their problem is and that you’ll be a man and work it out with them.

You can call people out respectfully. For example:

Bro, I’m not sure what you’re getting at here. Maybe if you spell out your position then we’ll find out that we have more in common than you think. But I need to know what you really mean before we can figure these things out. So…What exactly did you mean by that comment?

Give everyone a fair chance to prove that they are decent. If they are disrespectful, then there should be a problem.

Treat people with respect and do not tolerate disrespect and you’ll be amazed how you develop social dominance. People will learn that you’re the man to see when they want to confide in someone and that they should stay out of your way when they are being shady.

Passive aggressive people will no longer be around you because they know that you’ll call them out. Passive aggressives hate being called out. Shine your light on the cock roaches and rats so that they will scurry far away from you.

Rule 4. Be nice.

All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it’s absolutely necessary. And three, be nice.

Some of you might wonder what being polite have to do with be dominant. That is because dominance has been given a bad name by reality TV shows like Jersey Shore.

Running around like a drunk idiot does not establish dominance. Being a rude idiot shows you lack self-respect and class. When you get too close to men like me, this is likely to happen.

 

Think about Hollywood leading men that are actually worth emulating. All are well mannered. Can you imagine James Bond or the Most Interesting Man in the World being rude to a waitress?

James bond good manners

Idiots from Jersey Shore aren’t dominant. They are a slave to their emotions.

Jackals who walk slowly through crosswalks to show how “thug” and “street” they are aren’t dominant men. They cowards who have to travel in wolf packs and who when you get alone are terrified.

Being nice and having good manners shows that you have some self-restraint, in other words, that you have some control over yourself.

Rule 5. Get Big. Be dangerous and playful. Learn a martial art.

Size is status. We are great apes. Never forget that.

Become a vanilla gorilla. People will move out of your way. People will be polite to you. People will assume you’re a man of violence and treat you accordingly.

When you have size and strength and also know how to box or use Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, then you really are a force of nature.

Some of the toughest men I know are also very friendly and somewhat playful, even. There is no insecurity or fear because there is knowledge that when things pop off, they are prepared.

When you’re a gorilla yet also polite and respectful, you’ll be shocked at how quickly people warm to you. You are like the pit bull at the dog park that everyone is apprehensive of but when you’re a little playful people love twice as much as they would otherwise.

Rule 6. Move with a purpose.

People tell me that I walk fast. I don’t walk fast. I just don’t walk aimlessly.

Do not shuffle your feet like some aimless sloth. If you have somewhere to be, then get there.

If you don’t have anywhere to be, then lounge.

Rule 6. Lounge.

Don’t stand when you can sit. Don’t sit when you can lie down. Don’t lie down when you can sleep.

When you’re not moving with a purpose, lounge. Spread out like a lion in the savannah. Rest. Let your body heal. Being an alpha male is hard work.

Screen Shot 2014-03-16 at 1.25.11 AM

Rule 7. Wear skull rings.

Skull rings are not merely corny PUA accessories. They are legal brass knuckles. If you know you’re going into  shady area, “suit up.”

Arnold skull ring

Rule 8. Give your balls room to breath.

In the jungle, space is status. If you occupy more space, you have more status. One easy way to remember to occupy more space is to ask if your balls are being crushed. That means your legs are too close together and that you aren’t occupying enough space.

alpha body language

Rule 9. Check your testosterone levels.

Every study on evolutionary psychology has correlated testosterone levels with dominance. Every single study. It’s not even debateable that testosterone is the dominance hormone.

(Perform these posture building exercises to develop a more dominant mindset.)

What is your testosterone level? Could testosterone replacement therapy help?

Rule X. What did I leave out?

Please post your comments below. (I’m saying that in a respectful tone of voice.)

  • 1. Take your hands out of your pockets.

    2. Stop fidgeting. Stop brushing your hair or face with your hands. Cut out the self grooming.

    3. Don’t be afraid to take up space (like your rule 5 & 6)

    4. Slow down your movements. Slow down your speech.

  • Oh, and here is an informative documentary on the subject:

    http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/secrets-of-body-language/

  • earl

    Control your breathing. No mouth breathing and take as much air in, pause briefly, and then let it out. Good for workouts, works the core, and settles your emotions in high pressure situations.

  • Great list, I’d add to not move for people, whether you are walking straight down a sidewalk or standing for some reason, let others move around you. At times you’ll need to use discretion if you’re blocking a path or about to run into someone, but most of the time, with good eye contact and posture, people will move (or jump) out of your way. If they run into you, let them apologize.

  • Came here to add my thoughts and found they’d already been cited by previous commenters. Love the advice points about taking up space. When I was young, my mother trained me to be compulsively accommodating, shrinking myself whenever someone needed to go by – “let this man/woman through.” So in at least that dimension, I was unwittingly neutering my social-dominance profile.

    That was one thing I really worked on when I started my game journey. I’m not rude, and I don’t make a show of taking up too much space, but I expect a stranger to ask me to move a bit if they are trying to get through a space.

    Manny, doing things slower is a great way to get your mind in a more dominant, deliberate frame. I did a similar post on that and so many readers have told me it made major changes in their lives: http://badgerhut.wordpress.com/2012/01/28/alpha-move-do-everything-slower/

    Some people get all turned out with this “be more alpha” kind of thing, thinking they have to be irascible and getting in people’s faces to make up for years of doormatting. It’s more like D+P’s “be respectful and don’t tolerate disrespect,” it doesn’t take many moves against another’s disrespect the get the word out that you shouldn’t be fucked with, then everyone won’t fuck with you and life goes on peacefully. If you have to constantly fight off disrespect you are in the wrong community of people and should probably get new pals.

  • Guy

    Hey D&P could you write an article on how to eat big. Like to see your perspective for those of all ages. Young to Old.

  • Another money post. Great job…. So many people underestimate how much influence you can have with powerful eye contact.

  • Xpat Player

    I understood what you meant by respect and not tolerating disrespect by reading the comments for the Tucker Max and Miller article. (link: http://s6889.p20.sites.pressdns.com/2014/03/17/mating-grounds-geoffrey-miller-tucker-max-hilarity-ensues/#disqus_thread )

    This article is another reason why reading this blog is an absolute must for every man in his teens or twenties. No whining and cribbing like most of the ‘manosphere’, only solid life-improvement tips and a path to positivity here. Funny how my parents and “friends” would get angry at me if they found out I read this blog but don’t realize that they like me more because of it.

  • Spaceman Spiff

    “Rule 7: Wear skull rings…they are legal brass knuckles.” I’ve already done or worked on everything else in this list but never even thought about this one. Thanks.

    Here’s something related I’d like to hear about: Rules of thumb or heuristics to best shield yourself from assault charges when a fight happens. In some recent gun fighting classes I took, when you are or are not justified drawing/shooting was a topic covered.

    Got any good insights regarding legalities of the use of force when a weapon has not entered the situation?

  • Webster

    Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast. Great post Mike.

  • #5 is very true. People are extremely intimidated by those who are super fit. They quickly look away. Pure bliss.

  • dave farley

    a few years ago i walked my dog with a friend who had the same breed of bull terrier as me they were both about 18 months old, both male stupidly we proceeded to take there leads off thinking thy would play together,no my dog charged at the other 1 and pinned it down on the floor he then lifted his leg and pissed on the other male dog true, alpha male behaviour.

  • Saurabh malhotra

    Get an education and a powerful job. That’s real power, no mean looks or muscles can hold a light to that kind of power.

  • Ariesprincess

    Love this article

  • AlfredRosenberg

    Eye contact is king

  • S_Dawn

    Great post. I’m a female education instructor in a male prison. I arrived upon this site due to searching for what these handfuls of males who insist on staring at me like a creeper (non-stop eye contact) are trying to achieve. I happen to have a good bit of self-esteem of my own (or “testosterone” whichever,) so I was glad to read that my tactic of staring straight back at them for about 3 seconds before glancing somewhere else in a disinterested manner is the right approach. Saying nothing doesn’t appear to change the behavior for the most insistent. I’ve called a few guys out on it, with varying results (the most typical result being that they knock it off…except in the case of the, apparently, particularly misogynistic.) Alternatively, for those whom I can sense might have a soul, I use my female “free pass” to counsel them in proper social etiquette (particularly that of the “3 seconds” rule.)

    I should probably exercise more self-control in regard to calling them aside quietly (to save their pride)…but, so far, I’m still fiery enough to consider that if they are doing it to me in public, then I am calling them out in public. I haven’t yet read the “48 Laws of Power,” but I intend to. Some kindly males have previously tipped me off to that game.

    So, I’m thinking at this point that those particular fellas are just trying too hard to compensate for a lack of real power. Still wouldn’t want to meet them in a dark alley, seeing how I do not have the “bulk” of a “gorilla.”

    On a positive note, I am happy to report that the vast majority of the males – in the prisons I’ve been in – treat the female (education, at least) staff with due respect.

  • J. Ballard Criminal.

    Would the following qualify as Rule X?

    Don’t associate with people for the sake of it. If you can’t find a like-minded friend with a deep sense of morality and a few ideologies in common then live in solitude instead.

    A couple of more such rules I abide by:

    Learn to move on and live. I know that many have said this incessantly but very few can put in into practise. Realise that any unfortunate circumstance which occurred stayed in the past while the world has moved on. So where’s the logic in dwelling over painful, trivial history?Spending even a fraction of a second on it is only an effective way to exhaust your mental strength.

    Uphold your duty as the highest priority. Duty doesn’t entail your profession but any task undertaken, any word given. Be true to yourself and your duties.

    • S_Dawn

      I would venture to say that ‘holding onto the past’ might have some redemptive quality in regard to learning and/or wisdom (there is a difference between the two, which a seperate female and a separate male have emphasized to me.) We need to hold onto the past until we have learned everything that such past can teach us.

      That might be what you mean by “learn to move on and live.” If so, I am underestimating you and/or seeking clarification.

      I apologize to those who may perceive that I’ve, as a female, hijacked the post. I’m actually a female who knows many females who have “sworn off men,” yet can’t do that myself. Primarily (in addition to helping males in a prison environment to improve their lives as my profession/life work) due to the fact that I am a mother of two boys (and two girls..which, in my mind, creates a balance.)

      • J. Ballard Criminal.

        “Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius”.

        Your son seems to have been caught in a dilemma concerning his intrinsic beliefs and which presumably were instilled in him by you and the external social environment around him. He doesn’t want solitude for himself but it’s a last resort. His morally rigid character repels those with damaged compasses… Unless he just enjoys the company of homosexual men.
        Either way, every man and woman must learn to be content in a state of solitude for if you can enjoy your own company then you’ll never be a puppet of relationships, the social construction and all existential angst which starts to haunt people as they age.

        About the past, review it, extract a lesson and dump the movie back inside the memory archives of the hippocampus… That’s what I do, at least. I also find it peculiar that people are usually introspective and contemplative after hurtful incidents not those which work in their favour… Why not? Is it not logical to analyse your actions, words and choices which benefit you?

        – Your boy.

        • S_Dawn

          Thank you for your insight. I had my son young (I was 16,) and I’m grateful that he is still in my ever-learning, and adjusting, footsteps.

          I tell my son that those who are aligned with his “morally rigid” character are to be treasured…but also that he needs to learn (as I continually learn) to “flex.”

  • Don Gately

    Great post, should credit Churchill for his quote though.

  • El Barto

    Rule X: Learn to think critically and always speak the truth no matter how unpopular the truth may be.

  • Joe Owens .

    Top article! The eye contact is king of dominance having applied it all my life.

  • Marion

    Dominance and disrespect are not the same thing. Thank you for putting it into words, and for being the kind of man I’ve been trying to find lol. Nor I know how to identify him in a social setting.

  • marvz

    Awesome advice and a great way to start thinking and start being dominant

  • David

    I am having an affair with a married women who recently told me that she has a Dom. What should I do? Should I stay on or should I cut ties and leave?

    • A Man

      Leave.

  • Thank you for the post.

  • Justin Lee Campbell

    One can assert dominance by respecting himself. Make decisions based upon what you want or need instead of submitting or bending to the will of others to gain affection and approval. Behave in response to your values and beliefs, your code of being instead of capitulating to the demands or bullshit of others in order to be accepted. If your friend, brother, or girlfriend says something that simply is not true, then calmly and rationally call him or her out on it, especially if both of you know it’s untrue. Fear of reprisal or rejection will leave you with no respectful friends and with your dick in your hand. No one can emasculate you unless you let them. Don’t emasculate yourself by disrespecting yourself. Don’t disrespect others out of an inferiority complex either; it only feeds the beast of emasculation.

  • Rafael

    I’ve observed that when you force yourself to stop smiling too much you also force yourself to mean what you say and say what you mean and you also force yourself to stop avoiding possible conflict with people because you no longer give stupid “I’m joking, man” smiles.

  • Sean regan

    Don’t smile so much, but don’t look grumpy either. A confident, swaggering, half-smile looks a lot more alpha than a grumpy scowl. If you are so confident and alpha, why are you grumpy? That bearded guy in the picture looks kind of grumpy. Daniel Craig, on the other hand, looks neither grumpy nor smiley. There’s a balance.

  • Guest

    For anyone in a similar situation: 4 and 5 I’ve found to be extremely true starting university. It’s been a week and a half and I’ve already got guys recognizing me and asking me how I’m going when they see me in the hallways. These are people I’ve talk to like once or twice.

    All I do is make a small effort to talk to a few blokes (just chitchat), crack a couple of jokes, try and flirt a little with a couple of cuties, maybe wear a funny shirt. My pre-existing knowledge and physical stature/posture seem to do the rest of the work.

    I can’t help but think they assume I’m a man of violence, and when I’m funny, confident, social, and decent people are drawn to me, which also seems to make other girls more interested.

    The funny thing? I’m not generally that kind of guy who everyone knows. I’m naturally introverted but it hasn’t been that challenging changing my mindset. I had to actually stop and think about the fact the occurrences I’ve noticed early on are what we call social dominance. Life is good.

    • Matias

      That’s very interesting. I’ve noticed similar things in my own life. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

      • Guest

        Thanks a lot mate. I’m happy to contribute.

  • I used to be the guy that always smiled and would go above and beyond for others. Growing up I would get complimented about how well mannered I was etc. Well one day I realized how much I had been shit on. I then started being more assertive, smiled less, and demanded respect. Guess what happened?
    I started getting treated better and I reversed the roles. Now I have people that go out of their way to help me. I demand respect from other because I give them the same. I will help those who deserve it and that help me.
    Great post Mike. Thanks for recommending the mic that you did. I love it! Keep doing your thing.

    Your friend,
    Dylan

  • Rambler

    Don’t be seen using your smart phone in public, unless you really need to use it. People can sense that you’re not taking care of important business, you’re just seeking distraction, and it is weak. Instead, breathe, be mindful, seek out appropriate eye contact with others in your space and be ready with a friendly comment to a stranger. That is dominant.

    • Mike Cernovich

      Yes, this si a good tip especially in cities and crowded or unfamiliar surroundings.

  • Brienne

    I love the “mug shot” where you aren’t smiling…. reminds me of all of my boyfriends photos where I always tell him to smile. OK now I see why he doesn’t.
    But when he does… it’s like the sun is shining on me.

    • Mike Cernovich

      Sounds like a cool boyfriend.

  • David Metcalf

    Don’t share this shit freely. Assholes who have no fucking business know this shit. Gain knowledge to emulate the ones who know. Take this fucking website down or I’ll bring inthe black helicopters.

  • During the recent years I have understood the importance of being polite.Rude people are small people.I am real guy and I will do anything to maintain sanity around me.Some people mistake my politeness for my weakness until I show them who I really am.Great post. Its fun to read Danger and Play.

  • Tom

    Great post. A note on the caption of the two tattooed individuals. They are Motorcycle Clubs not gangs and the individuals are likely not Vagos members since the Skull with crossed pistons is the insignia of the Outlaws MC.

  • Vince Everett

    1. Carry cash. At least $400 at all times.

    2. Get rid of the flip flops (They are woman’s footwear)

    3. “The Don don’t wear shorts” – Carmine Lupatazi

    4. Train in a real martial art – Jujutsu – Aikijujutsu – Not a sport..

    5. Train in mindfulness- Zen meditation.

    6. Treat everyone with respect until they no longer deserve it.

  • 4xtraXX

    #1 Always say less than necessary
    #2 NEVER EVER explain yourself
    #3 Never argue with anyone. Give them the option: SWING OR SIT DOWN
    #4 Remember the 80/20 rule. 80% of the people out here unconsciously place you above or below them.

  • BrennanCollins

    Mike, let me start by saying I love this article in particular. I was already using some of the techniques mentioned but by adding the rest I can tell people treat me differently. Mainly rules 8, 6, and 1. Keep up the great work.

  • Wes

    Things I learned growing up a white boy in East LA. Do not back down. Of course with that I took it to far and fought too often. So I learned to always give the other guy a way out of it. Be a nice guy. A bad ass who is no threat to you, and who could be your friend. In the face to face walking at each other challenges that happen far to often in that town. Do not fear to touch the guy, on the shoulder, before he has a chance to smash onto you. An almost smile without a trace of fear “my bad, we need wider sidewalks”

    It is better to not be on the same side of the street but sometimes to just cant avoid it without making it obvious that you are trying to. Fortunately they do seem to respect older guys.

    The number one thing I learned. Do not live in that part of town.

    In other words you are spot on and learned it without all the scars I got learning the same things much younger and harder, I never felt that sort of fear since then. But the fear I felt as a boy learning the streets. I think it just killed that emotion in me. Teach the young men brother, being self taught sucks, it can get you killed.

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How to Be a More Dominant Man: Part 1. Mindset

[This is part 1 of a two-part series on how to be a more dominant man. Part 2 is teaches you...

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