[This is part 2 of a two-part series on how to be a more dominant man. Part 1 shows you have to have the mindset of a dominant man.]
Two types of social dominance.
Social dominance can be understood in one of two ways – dominating others or not being dominated. I tend to think of dominance as the latter, that is, to be able to do my own thing.
If you want to become a CEO, then read your 48 Laws of Power. I am not particularly interested in dominating others in the 48 Laws of Power understanding of the term because leadership is slavery.
Let’s say I wanted to increase the audience audience for Danger & Play. I could build a huge audience if I changed my tone and changed topics. I could tell normal people they are great instead of telling them to go away.
It would come at great personal cost to my soul. I would have to water down my message. I would be a slave to whiners and complainers, asking before publishing each post, “What if I offend someone?” I’d need to be politically correct and I’d need to tolerate the weakness that exists in the majority of today’s men.
I most certainly will not.
Danger & Play is my soul and I will never pollute it to become a leader of pathetic hanger-ons and other space-taker-uppers.
I seek to be dominant in the sense that other people leave me alone and let me go about my business in peace. When I’m in groups my wishes are respected and criminals know better than to mess with me.
There is substantial overlap, however, and if you can go without being dominated then chances are you will find that you are often the leader of the group. Even a longer can develop charisma.
Rule 1. Eye contact uber alles (and put your damned iPhone in your pocket unless you want to look like a victim).
Respect the power of eye contact. If you have solid eye contact game, you have met the 80/20 rule. Eighty percent of your success with other people will be met by taking the 20% move of making and holding eye contact.
If you have poor eye contact, nothing else on this list matters. Eyes are the gateway to the soul. If you look down at the ground like a servant, you have revealed yourself as a slave who does not look up at his master. It also makes you look like a victim.
The other day a fine urban youth living in Section 8 housing was standing in the middle of the street. I saw a girl on the corner, another fine lady, and could sense what was about to transpire.
This fine fellow started to move diagonally towards me. I looked him in the eyes and smirked. With a look I communicated that I welcomed his affections.
He stopped, looked down, and shuffled his feet back to where he was standing.
Had I looked down at the ground, I may have ended up like poor little Matt Yglesias, a self-hating liberal who was a victim of the Knockout Game.
The truth is that I wish he had come closer. I would have thrown a brutal overhand right once he was within distance and reminded him that not all men of my socioeconomic status walk the streets in fear.
When you meet someone, look them in the eyes. Hold your gaze for 1-3 seconds, long enough to register that you’ve looked them in the eyes but not long enough to look like a creep.
Exception: There’s one notable exception to eye contact and the streets.
If some really criminal type looks you in the eye and mean mugs you and it looks like you might have to get into a fight, you should still not look down. Instead, keep your chin up and look the side. This allows the goon to save face (you’re not directly challenging him by holding eye contact) while also suggesting to him that he seek out a weaker target (since you did not look down showing him you’re weak and thus someone to victimize).
That’s how you diffuse a potentially hostile situation without punking out. He saves face. You save face and don’t look like a victim.
Rule 2. Stop smiling so much, you goofs.
Does this look like the face of a victim? Of a follower?
Girls always tell me I need to smile more. Well if girls think I am so ugly with my Mr. Frowny Face, why are they always talking to me and grabbing my arms and telling me how great my back feels when they hug me?
I smile when around my god daughters and my dog. Otherwise I don’t see any need to smile like some goof.
Rule 3. Show respect. Do not tolerate disrespect.
He is the nicest guy ever. Just don’t piss him off. – Friend of Danger & Play
Civilization is a remarkable creation and we should respect it. Treat others with decency. Treat every person you meet with respect.
However, some people will mistake your respect for weakness. It is important to let people know that your kindness is not weakness.
If someone disrespects you (especially in that modern, passive-aggressive way), call them out on it. Ask them what their problem is. Tell them if they have a problem with you then they need to be a man and explain what exactly their problem is and that you’ll be a man and work it out with them.
You can call people out respectfully. For example:
Bro, I’m not sure what you’re getting at here. Maybe if you spell out your position then we’ll find out that we have more in common than you think. But I need to know what you really mean before we can figure these things out. So…What exactly did you mean by that comment?
Give everyone a fair chance to prove that they are decent. If they are disrespectful, then there should be a problem.
Treat people with respect and do not tolerate disrespect and you’ll be amazed how you develop social dominance. People will learn that you’re the man to see when they want to confide in someone and that they should stay out of your way when they are being shady.
Passive aggressive people will no longer be around you because they know that you’ll call them out. Passive aggressives hate being called out. Shine your light on the cock roaches and rats so that they will scurry far away from you.
Rule 4. Be nice.
All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it’s absolutely necessary. And three, be nice.
Some of you might wonder what being polite have to do with be dominant. That is because dominance has been given a bad name by reality TV shows like Jersey Shore.
Running around like a drunk idiot does not establish dominance. Being a rude idiot shows you lack self-respect and class. When you get too close to men like me, this is likely to happen.
Think about Hollywood leading men that are actually worth emulating. All are well mannered. Can you imagine James Bond or the Most Interesting Man in the World being rude to a waitress?
Idiots from Jersey Shore aren’t dominant. They are a slave to their emotions.
Jackals who walk slowly through crosswalks to show how “thug” and “street” they are aren’t dominant men. They cowards who have to travel in wolf packs and who when you get alone are terrified.
Being nice and having good manners shows that you have some self-restraint, in other words, that you have some control over yourself.
Rule 5. Get Big. Be dangerous and playful. Learn a martial art.
Size is status. We are great apes. Never forget that.
Become a vanilla gorilla. People will move out of your way. People will be polite to you. People will assume you’re a man of violence and treat you accordingly.
When you have size and strength and also know how to box or use Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, then you really are a force of nature.
Some of the toughest men I know are also very friendly and somewhat playful, even. There is no insecurity or fear because there is knowledge that when things pop off, they are prepared.
When you’re a gorilla yet also polite and respectful, you’ll be shocked at how quickly people warm to you. You are like the pit bull at the dog park that everyone is apprehensive of but when you’re a little playful people love twice as much as they would otherwise.
Rule 6. Move with a purpose.
People tell me that I walk fast. I don’t walk fast. I just don’t walk aimlessly.
Do not shuffle your feet like some aimless sloth. If you have somewhere to be, then get there.
If you don’t have anywhere to be, then lounge.
Rule 6. Lounge.
Don’t stand when you can sit. Don’t sit when you can lie down. Don’t lie down when you can sleep.
When you’re not moving with a purpose, lounge. Spread out like a lion in the savannah. Rest. Let your body heal. Being an alpha male is hard work.
Rule 7. Wear skull rings.
Skull rings are not merely corny PUA accessories. They are legal brass knuckles. If you know you’re going into shady area, “suit up.”
Rule 8. Give your balls room to breath.
In the jungle, space is status. If you occupy more space, you have more status. One easy way to remember to occupy more space is to ask if your balls are being crushed. That means your legs are too close together and that you aren’t occupying enough space.
Rule 9. Check your testosterone levels.
Every study on evolutionary psychology has correlated testosterone levels with dominance. Every single study. It’s not even debateable that testosterone is the dominance hormone.
(Perform these posture building exercises to develop a more dominant mindset.)
Rule X. What did I leave out?
Please post your comments below. (I’m saying that in a respectful tone of voice.)