For a long time I’ve resisted telling “my story,” so to speak. It’s not due to a need for privacy but more because this isn’t a website about me. It’s a website about how you can go from average to alpha.
Reader demand has reached a boil, and so I’ve decided to do an AMA. I am answering every reader question submitted. The nutrition/training questions are being answered in a separate podcast.
Where do you find the inspiration for your posts?
I had a shitty life and don’t mind writing about it. You probably have interesting things to share with the world but you hold it in due to shame. Would you tell the world that:
- Your mom quit taking her bipolar medication because demons had been cast of her (and the you had to visit her in a nut house because mental disorders are not caused by demons, despite what your fundamentalist pastor might claim)?
- You were so poor growing up that you dug aluminum cans out of garbage dumpsters to get spending cash?
- That you thought you had nothing to live for and the only reason you didn’t commit suicide when you were 24 was because you knew it would have destroyed your family?
I am an open book and do not let haters control what I write about. I could write cool posts every day because I care about inspiring you and letting you know that life is not hopeless and that you will find power, passion, and fortitude from your past if you view it as training for what you are capable of becoming today.
Also, I live my life with purpose, direction, and motivation. Not only do I have a backlog of posts in my brain, I am creating new post ideas each day just by living my life, reflecting on the world, and looking for unusual connections between seemingly unrelated concepts.
Spend a day with me and I’ll drive you crazy by turning every banal event into some sort of metaphor for life. (“Game recognised. A gentleman bodybuilder and philosopher. The definition of alpha zen.”)
I’ve been loving the podcasts lately and would love to hear one on this topic. Not just growing web traffic, but about blogging and your site: How/why did you start it, what keeps you going, advice to newbies etc.
I started Danger & Play because no one was writing about what I had to say.
Despite all of this talk about the “dark triad” and how dark everyone is, no one was writing about having rough sex. My post on How to Choke a Woman During Sex is #1 on Google for a reason – because it was original and outstanding.
My lifestyle game posts used to start heated debates online.
People would get angry when I said to stop complaining and go build yourself up as a man. Then learn a little game and you’ll be far ahead of the PUAs.
Now it’s taken as gospel and people don’t even credit me with the idea.
Lots of fakers online and geeks who talk a lot but don’t live the life. All of this going onto Google for five minutes and then becoming an expert is fraud and readers sense it.
Write what you live. If you don’t live it, don’t write it. If you need ideas to write about, get busy living life.
What lessons have you learned from D&P about not only developing a website, but yourself; what does the future of this site have in store (any products)?
When building yourself or a site or a business you are going to get out what you put in.
Find a man or men you look up to. Before posting something ask yourself, “What would this person think about the post?” Consider it the alpha male version of “What Would Jesus Do?”
You shouldn’t let haters control what you write but it’s helpful to let virtuous men exercise some unspoken editorial control. You disrespect those men when you post garbage.
Get momentum and don’t lose it. I lost momentum with D&P and just went through the motions. Don’t. Either do it right or find something else to do right.
The little things matter. This post will have undergone well over 60 revisions before it’s published.
If you don’t know how to do something, find someone who does. You do it or have someone else do it, but it can’t not get done.
Yes, two ebooks are in the works. There is nothing out there like either of them, which is the only way I’d have it.
I would be interested to hear your and Jay’s personal stories of success and failures.
I’ll ask him if he wants to do a podcast on this.
Do you live in Vegas? I’m going to be there on [x weekend].
No, I used to live in Las Vegas. I’m there a lot though, as Jay and I are Vegas insiders. I’m down to meet up if you’re around and it works out logistically. I don’t drink alcohol and we usually have some at our day bed. So if you buy a ticket to wherever I go you’re welcome to come say hi and steal a drink. Just don’t be clingy. Say hi, grab a drink, chat and then go meet girls. Also, don’t expect me to run game or play wing man.
I’d love to see a 20 rules for your 20s if you had time.
OK. In the meantime, don’t waste your 20s.
What was the turning point in your life when you decided that you had to get good with women?
My wife wouldn’t have sex with me.
Girls younger and hotter than my wife would flirt overtly with me and hit on me.
I loved my wife and couldn’t understand what was going on. How could young hot women want to bone me while my own aging wife rejected me?
What steps did you take to to get there? (i.e. lifestyle before game, or game before lifestyle?
In 2008 I read Roissy by accident after he was linked to (or not linked to, depending on how you look at it) by Tyler Cowen. Everything just made sense. If I ran into Roissy, I would gladly (this is not bravado) go to an ATM and pull out $1,000 cash for the impact his early writings had on my life.
Then I started doing my research.
I read game blogs and game books and tried all the PUA stuff. I did OK but nothing spectacular. A lot of girls couldn’t understand why a guy like me was doing corny openers and routines.
That’s when I developed “lifestyle game.” Everyone was talking about faking it until you’ve made it.
What if you’ve already made it as a man and don’t have to fake like you’re masculine? What if your life is otherwise set up nicely and you just want to add some girls to it? Then what? Thus why I started Danger & Play.
How much of your success in life would you say is due to being good looking/well built.
I’m more of a nerd interested in getting smarter with Modafinil than a good looking guy. I’d rather have my brain than my looks, though it’s nice having both.
When did you start getting into dominant sex? What is your craziest sexual escapade?
Four or 5 years ago. Too many crazy stories to pick one. If you’ve seen something dark and disturbing (but consensual) online, then I’ve probably done it.
What do you work as? What made you start taking dandp to the next level?
I am a licensed attorney. I’m currently putting forth my efforts on building the blog. I decided to take D&P to the next level because no one else is doing what I’m doing and because Victor helped me with something I wasn’t capable of doing on my own.
What are your thoughts on Real Estate for investing?
“Buy land, they aren’t making it any more.” – Mark Twain.
How can readers give back to great manosphere writers like yourself? there is too much assymetry!
I am an attorney. If you have a case, send me an email. I’ll pass your info along to my intake office. The Firm I work with has settled over one billion dollars worth of cases. Yes, that’s billion with a b.
What sorts of cases? Wage and hour lawsuits (unpaid overtime type stuff), personal injury, car accidents, dog bites. If you’ve been injured, call us.
If you shop at Amazon, use my affiliate link. It doesn’t cost you anything and I’ll get a 7% commission for whatever you order. If you shop at iHerb or know anyone who buys supplements, give them my iHerb coupon code EKO606. If you know someone new to juicing, send them to Fit Juice.
When my books drop, buy them. (I will keep them affordable.)
Tell your friends about Danger & Play. We are banned from the Facebook (we have a personal hater who used to work there who used his influence to get us flagged as an abusive site). You can, however, link to our SoundCloud page.
Most of all, keep reading!
Do you have a recommended reading list for young men? To cover all areas not just fitness or business.
Yes. I am working on a separate post. Here are some good books to read. Read your Nietzsche and Aristotle, for starters. Beyond Good and Evil and the Nicomachean Ethics are the two best works for a man to read. They lay down the philosophy for life, teach you how to be a good friend, and free you from slave thinking.
Also, Danger & Play’s Black Book will cover everything a man needs to know to make it in the 21st century.
Best place for a younger guy to find successful older men who could be mentors/hire them at their firms?
Cigar lounges. Talk to older guys in the gym. The best way to get a mentor is to meet someone outside of the context of meeting a mentor.
What’s the easiest way to land a job in SoCal?
Wait tables. Work in a cafe. Don’t view anything as being beneath you. Get a reputation for showing up on time and doing more than is required of you.
Are you still in law? How’d you make the bulk of ur income? Internet? How did you attract clients as an independent lawyer?
I pay my state bar dues and thus am a licensed attorney. I take the right cases where the cause is just. (That doesn’t just mean the money is right. I’ve helped out many guys with date rape issues pro bono.)
I made the bulk of my income by settling a large case. It didn’t make me rich but it freed me from having to worry about money for a few years.
I was a “lawyer’s lawyer.” Lawyers would call me when they had especially tricky issues. Word got around that I was smart.
I also had two highly successful law blogs that showcased my reasoning abilities, legal knowledge, and writing skills.
If you want to sue someone, send me an email. I’ll pass your info along to the intake of the law firm I work with. They/we don’t screw around. We are aggressive and get results.
When was the point in your life when everything came together and made sense/your vision, what you wanted solidified?
It’s ongoing. Be adaptive. What works when you’re 20 won’t work when you’re 30, 40, or 50.
My early 20s were filled with existential angst. The blogger who most reminds me of myself as a young 20s guy is Matt Forney. He’s a brilliant kid, lots of energy, he even talks as quickly as I used to. He has the nervous brain where his brain works so fast that he can barely get the words out. He’s also confused and still finding himself. He has “tried on” lots of different ideologies. (I disagree with a lot of what he writes but it’s fun watching him mature and am confident he’ll be something interesting in his 30s.)
Things started coming together for me in my late 20s and life really started making sense last year. I’m 36, FYI. This stuff take time.
Last chance to post questions.
Anything else that comes up over the next 24 hours is fair game. After that, no more navel gazing for a while. I’m not a Z-list celebrity. I’m just another bro helping guys out along the way.