About one year ago I attended Unleash the Power Within (UPW) in Los Angeles. A friend of mine had always wanted to attend one and we were able to get in for half off the list price (buy one get one free). Otherwise I would not have gone, and that would have been a terrible mistake.
For some, change comes fast. I didn’t attend UPW because I was looking for my messiah or looking for answers to major questions in my life. Any change was going to be gradual.
I went in with an open mind and to address a couple of issues.
My biggest life problem at the time was being a victim of my success. I had made enough smart moves in my 20s that I lacked motivation in my 30s. I didn’t have any problems. No worries with money. No worries with women. Everything was great.
When everything is going well, you can lose that hunger. In a way it’s better to fight to become a champion than to become the champion. Champs get fat and lazy. You stop growing as a man.
I took three major points from the seminar and have made some lasting changes.
[Programming note: Clear your cache. We recently underwent an extensive redesign and want to make sure you’re seeing the current version of D&P.]
1. I am much more aware of and in control of my state.
I’m much more conscious of state control. Before UPW I was more likely to be ruled by my moods. If I didn’t feel like doing something, I wouldn’t do it. After all, having money means you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.
I realized that letting my moods ruled me was beta. How could I just passively accept moods? Wouldn’t the right approach be to change my state?
Now do things that I’m not in the “mood” to do. Lately my sleep quality has been absolute garbage. I didn’t feel like writing today or yesterday or the day before or the week before that.
Yet I’ve written more words and done more podcasts in the past week than I had in any week of 2013. If fact, my biggest problem now is that there are too many ebook, blog post, and podcast ideas.
When I don’t feel like doing something, instead of letting the feeling rule me I change my state. It has changed my life.
2. Limiting beliefs and introversion.
I get a lot of emails from readers. I always felt bad that guys would reach out to me and I’d ignore them. I’d tell myself, “Well, I’m introverted. Talking to people wears me down. Sorry but I gotta do what I gotta do.”
I started treating my introversion as a limiting belief. (A limiting belief if something you tell yourself about the world that is not true.)
Although I am still naturally introverted, I can interact with far more people than ever before without being worn out. I still need my alone time, but my ability to engage with others has at least doubled.
The next time you don’t want to do something, ask if it’s because you believe you’re incapable of doing it. Change your state to one of certainty and attack that limiting belief.
3. I have been finding my motivation.
When you’re broke or struggling with meeting women, motivation is easy to find. Get paid and get laid are the two most primal drives of mankind.
Although far from rich, I had attained the perfect amount of money. To paraphrase Warren Buffett, “The perfect amount of money is enough money to feel like you could do anything, but not so much that you could do nothing.”
Money was initially my highest priority because I grew up poor. I never traveled more than an hour away from home because the car might not start and we’d be stranded. We’d run out of soap and I’d have to use dishwashing soap like Dawn to bathe in. Once my teacher sent me to the school bathroom to wash up because my elbows were caked with soot.
Now I can afford organic soaps from Whole Foods. I’m a simple man with simple needs. Some keep score with money. That’s not my game. Money simply doesn’t motivate me. You guys can make all the money and I’ll live vicariously through you. Just invite me to a yacht party every now and then, cool?
What’s my motivation? To find your motivation you need to look at your needs.
Tony Robbins claims there are Six Human Needs:
- Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
- Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli
- Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed
- Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something
- Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding
- Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others
I had certainty and variety and significance and connection and growth. What was missing? Contribution. I found the focus Danger & Play needed.
Contribution and Danger & Play.
Instead of being “all things to all people,” I decided to focus on who mattered to me. D&P is for a younger (or, as the TRT posts show, an older) version of me. Those are whom I would contribute to.
At one time I was a young guy who would have done whatever it took to succeed. I just didn’t know what to do.
It took me sleepless nights, panic attacks, self-doubt, and a lack of certainty that I was on the right path. After much struggle I figured out life. Instead of keeping it to myself, I show what worked for me (while noting that what works for you might be something different).
By changing D&P’s focus I actually turned off a lot of guys and lost traffic. Some whined my blog wasn’t written for average people:
Some relatively decent advice, with a few gaps…but delivered in your usual douchebag frat-boy jock manner.
If you’re looking to help the majority of men…you’d be better off presenting your information in a manner that the average person can relate to more easily.
I am not interested in helping the majority of men. I don’t need to cast a wide net to draw in massive amounts of readers in order to fill my pockets with advertising dollars. D&P is written for a niche audience. It’s for the 5% of people who will make it.
If someone posts a comment that I think is pathetic, I delete it. If someone wants to argue, they are banned. If someone doesn’t “get it,” then I say, “Good bye.”
Get on board with the mission – which is mastering your own life – or go be with the normal people.