How to Become More Dominant in the Bedroom

“You look scary,” she told me as I lay next to her staring into her eyes. “I watched American Psycho the other night. That guy…when I look into your eyes…that guy is who you remind me of.” – Too many girls to count.

Why do women want dominant men in the bedroom?

A real man is a violent one, and masculinity is nothing if not restrained aggression. Philosophers praise manly reason because it evidences self-control – that is, control of our own violent natures. To be a man is to be five seconds away from killing someone.

Consider the lion, wolf, or gorilla in the wild. They amble about their territory, calm, collected, smooth. “Paulie might have moved slow, but it was only because Paulie didn’t have to move for anybody.” – Goodfellas.

Upon the first sign of aggression, a dominant male moves with swiftness and aggression. A man must be able to go from zero to psycho in a split second.

Gorilla Mindset book

There are tens of millions of good – which is to say, neutered – guys in America, and yet the best women consistently end up with dominant, strong, violent men. Women who cannot find alpha males seek other symbols of masculinity.

hot chicks pit bull

How many women have begun keeping pit bulls and other large dogs as pets. Women are so desperate for a little danger and play in their lives that they bring an inherently dangerous animal – an animal they can never tame – into their homes.

The question isn’t whether women want to be dominated. The question is whether you are man enough to dominate them. Are you a pit bull or a lap dog who they say is just so adorable and cute (as they text filthy pictures to a real man)?

What do women want? That’s easy – rough sex.

(Maxim model Olivia Munn loves rough sex.)

Olivia Munn

Romance novels are not filled with saps who beg and plead and supplicate before women. The prototypical romance novel is a love story about a strong, dangerous man and the women who love him.

Women want to feel real desire. They want a man who grabs them and makes them feel small, vulnerable, and feminine.

Women want to feel that their man is playful but also that he is a little bit dangerous.

This means that domination starts with you. It’s your mindset that must prevail. You must have the mindset that she exits to serve you, that she exists for your pleasure.

A lion roars during sex, inviting all to hear his conquest.

dominant sex

During sex, most men gingerly pump away, praying that they don’t suffer from premature ejaculation. They feel like guests when instead a man knows that a woman in his bedroom is on his territory and will live on his terms. (And if she doesn’t like it, she walks.)

They are quiet, like timid field mice afraid that the farm cat might catch them at play. They are too afraid to have rough sex. “What if someone hears us,” she says. “Good, maybe they’ll be reminded what life is all about,” I answer.

The first step towards establishing dominance in your relationship is to talk during sex.

Stop asking her what she wants, and start telling her what to do. Issuing commands. You are in charge. Here’s a quick way to learn how to take control and be more dominant in the bedroom.

You should be changing positions regularly during sex, as that will delay your orgasm. Before changing her position, tell her what to do next. Order her around the bedroom like you own her.

First-time sex generally begins missionary style. Boring. You look into her eyes and thrust. She doesn’t like it anymore than you do.

Tell her, “Get up. Get on your knees. Stop. Put your head down. No. Lift your ass up. Good girl.” (Even better: Bust out the sex pillows.)

liberator sex pillow

Right away you are telling her what to do, ordering her around, and telling her what all women want to hear – “You are a good girl.” You are setting the tone. She exists for your sexual pleasure. She exists to please you.

Most women are extremely turned up when a man tells them what to do. In fact, only once has a woman said, “No, I’m not going to change positions.” (I quit having sex and told her she was welcome to stay over since it was late, but that I wasn’t interested in her games. Thirty minutes later she woke me up, begging me to take her.)

Once you’ve gotten her used to following commands, you need to start using ownership language. Ownership language is a set of affirmations that you first issue, and then she affirms.

The strength of ownership language will vary based on the situation and the girl. Most of the time it’s best to start somewhat mild. A simple, “You like that, don’t you?” will do.

From there you progress to, “Tell me how much you like it/my dick.” Not every girl is used to this treatment, and sometimes they won’t answer back.

If she is quiet, have sex for a bit longer before saying, “Tell me how much you like my dick.” If you are forceful, she will begin repeating your affirmations.

Having her repeat your affirmations is crucial. Again, this is why you start tamely. Far more important than any given affirmation is that she get into the pattern of repeating your affirmations.

Every good salesperson will tell you that you must get the clients saying yes to something, anything, it doesn’t matter what. Just get a few yeses.

You must get her into the pattern of repeating your affirmations. Start slowly: “This is good, isn’t it,” is better than throwing out,  “Tell me you’re a whore.” Rough sex, like all sex, is a slow seductive process. Enjoy the journey.

(Under the bed restrain systems are a lot of fun and are surprisingly affordable.)


Also use pronouns in your ownership language. Say, “You’re my whore.” Always use my and never a. When you call a girl my whore, she feels good about herself. She feels, as all women desire to feel, wanted and desired and owned by a man. When you call her a whore, she feels fungible and lacks a sense of belonging.

Instead of saying, “You enjoy fucking, don’t you, you little slut,” you should say, “You enjoy fucking me, don’t you?”

Using ownership language during sex will improve your sex life. Women crave rough sex and as book sales prove, they are bored out of their minds.

Read next: How to Choke a Woman During Sex.

  • carioca

    Just pretend that she´s not allowing the sex and you do it well. Don´t tell her to change positions, lift her and change it by yourself.

  • alphaphase

    Yep. 100%.

    My girl now screams out how much she wants me to fuck/choke/whatever her harder and harder everything.

    After a while she gets into this state of euphoria, and then straight to constant orgasms. Heh. I used to be a three minute man too.

  • blazefrazier

    Completely agree with your assessment. Men need to be assertive and be able to show AND tell that during sex. Be a man and let her know how it’s going to be. Just be careful with it. I might have taken it a bit too far with this one —

  • ASF

    Some nerd on reddit is going to get angry that you propose this outrageous conduct instead of drawing cutesy pictures for his girlfriend and painting her toenails like Nyan cat.

  • demezel

    great stuff danger and play is really underrated too bad you have some crazy good shit

  • Kurt

    The pronoun advice is right on. In addition to my slut/whore, I like “my pussy” also.

    Getting her to call you master or sir is good too.

    I’ve been married for a number years (I know, pre red pill) and I’ve got my wife cumming hard and fast with the dirty talk and the s&m.

    She’s eating out of my hands. Feeling like a skittles man.

  • crunchie

    To be a man is to be five seconds away from killing someone.

    Reminds me of a brilliant scene from hbo’s rome.

    Fast forward to 7 mins 40 in.

  • Jason

    You’re talking now! Great, great, great post!

  • aneroidocean

    Great post. Do you add this into your texting/calls with a girl? I do, it seems to work them up even better so that when you meet up next she’s completely primed.

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  • Laguna Beach Fogey

    Great post. Perfect.

  • rivsdiary

    perfectly said.

    your next post should be about how to introduce another girl into the bed.

    i am working off of the phrase, “you are my favorite girl” to give her priority, but not exclusivity.

    “you are my whore” vs “you are a whore” is HUGE.

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  • http://theasdgamer The Autistic Gamer

    To be a man is to have the potential for violence. A good man uses violence against evil.. A gentleman doesn’t use violence against the weak. A gentleman can and should always use violence against physical threats to him or to his loved ones.

    Violence isn’t rough sex, of course. Violence is about doing permanent damage. Rough sex is just rough play and a woman is always interested in her man peacocking his physical strength.

    The use of ownership pronouns is very interesting. It’s probably a good idea for a new groom to get his bride to say, regarding her body and her new relationship, “This is your body. This is your pussy. I am your wife.”

    I understand that you are making a point using a bit of hyperbole. You don’t intend for your readers to permanently damage women. I hope that everybody gets it.

  • CoffeeCrazed

    Yup indeed. Biggest change I have made since going red pill. More and better sex for me and my current woman has orgasmed in ways she never has before. I growl. I bring intensity that has gotten to the point that if it isnt there, she’s asking if something is wrong. I’ll tell her what to wear.

    And it spills into the rest of life with her and vice versa.

  • Vincent Vinturi

    Agree with every word. Especially the loud caveman-like groaning and bellowing. I’ve found words per se don’t work as well here in Thailand. The language barrier makes dirty talk kind of incomprehensible. It’s more the music of it. How you build up intensity with your voice, etc.

    • Danger & Play

      Tone of voice, the look in your eyes, posture, body language, never looking away, moving towards her, grabbing her…so many things that can’t be communicated in a blog post.

    • Unrogue

      Even if she doesn’t really understand what you’re saying, the tone will carry the ownership and grit necessary. Sometimes I’ll even roar nonsense syllables in her ear.

    • carla contini

      LOL are you sure those creatures you’re f—ing are actually females?

  • The Dude

    Dude….third paragraph from the bottom is GOLD.

    I’ve been trying to make that whole dirty talk thing work, and I hadn’t been using the “my.” When I finally did the other night, the grin that came over her face was, well….just the reaction I was looking for….a million thank yous for that tidbit….

    Keep up the good work!

  • Hmmyes

    My boyfriend was more aggressive at the beginning of the relationship, but now is never. How can I get him to have rough sex with me without having to straight up tell him?

    • ezra

      It’s been ages since you commented so don’t know if you’re still having this problem but…

      Tease him, blowjob/handjob whatever – get him to the edge of cumming then stop. Repeat this over and over and over and eventually he’ll get so frustrated he’ll just pin you down and fuck you.

  • Elska Oxensterna

    How about with women who do not like domination?

    I gave rough sex a try. A couple, actually. With a few different guys. Most of which held a view similar to this hack of an article. Aaaaaaaaaand it sucked. It hurt, it didn’t feel good, and I hated it. Now, you may just say that they “weren’t doing it right” or “weren’t man enough”, but it just boils down to the basic fact that not all women enjoy an asshole for a partner.

    I read this, hoping to find more ways to spice up the bedroom – not to find more sexist, immature ridiculousness… How disappointing.

    • Cooper

      The point of this article is that many women DO like domination in a sexual context from the right man, even feminists – although they do not admit it.

      You have assumed that to do this, you need to be an asshole – this is not the case. You need someone who is confident, and sexually assertive. And many women DO enjoy an asshole partner – there are plenty of nice guys out there by any definition, and yet we often find them being extremely sexually frustrated. Yet there are jerks such as Chris Brown who beat their girlfriends yet have no problem getting casual sex from hundreds of girls. To suggest that women do not like assholes implies that the many women who do like assholes (not counting what a woman says – what she DOES) is implying that women do not have the mental capacity to make the right sexual choices, which I (as a man who believes that women and men are equal) believe is incredibly misogynistic.

      Lastly, this is a site geared towards men. If you come on here to look for advice to spice up YOUR sex life (assuming you are a heterosexual female) you are not going to find much. This should have been clear but is apparently not to you, which suggests that you personally have problems with reading comprehension …or, you lied and didn’t come on here to find ways to spice up your bedroom life. You came on here to write a comment about how you as a woman feels this is sexist or immature. Which is it? Are you lying, or stupid?

      As for whether or not this is immature – it may be. Immature implies that functioning adults do not engage in this type of behaviour – does that mean Olivia Munn or any woman who enjoys a sexually assertive man is “immature’? Please provide your opinion on this.

      As for whether or not this is sexist – it may be. Sexist implies that this information is somehow prejudicing men against women. This article is simply stating that many women like sexually assertive men, and provides information on how men can be more sexually assertive. Do you think that an article that helps men cater to the needs of their female sexual partners is sexist? I think, it is the opposite – it actually shows a deep appreciation of females and the understanding that they ARE NOT sex objects and that THEY HAVE needs. So, no, this is not sexist. Please provide your opinion on this.

      Thank you for your comment.

      • Tom Arrow

        I won’t try to argue this point with most women, but we as men would profit from stopping to identify as assholes just for being male, self-sufficient and confident. There is no reason to accept moral standards from ones inferiors. I’ve met some ‘assholes’ whom I respected for their achievements and game, yet found to be unhappy due to the accepted ‘asshole’ doctrine, feeling guilt and still seeking for approval despite their success.

      • Elska Oxensterna

        I’ll give to the fact that men do not have to be assholes to be dominant. Many can do it with the best intentions for their partner, or even because their partner asked/encouraged them to do so. My apologies if it sounded like I was calling men who are physically/mentally/sexually confident assholes. That was not my intention. My intended point was that men who assume the woman they have in mind “craves” being dominated is an asshole move.

        As for Chris Brown, sadly asshole status is negligible by wealth and fame because our society put the idea of money (aka: having lots of it) on a pedestal above any and every human’s head. Society makes life a popularity game, often in incorrect ways.

        And in cases of assholes, they often lie. Both women and men have been susceptible to liers who abused their trust and manipulated them into giving up exactly what the asshole wanted. It’s reasonable, then, how assholes get partners – they often manipulate: lie, cheat, divert blame, and/or steal. And (sadly) they’re usually pretty good at it.

        When I say immature, I am again referencing the idea that “To be a man is to be five seconds away from killing someone” and “Women are so desperate for a little danger and play in their lives that they bring an inherently dangerous animal – an animal they can never tame – into their homes”. (Pitbulls, like any dog, can be sweet and docile if treated with the care and love any animal should receive from birth; the only reason they have a bad reputation is because most people who buy them raise the pup with the intent to be a cruel guard dog and thus train them to be so.) A women and man who both enjoy such activities, participating in such activities, is fine with both of their expressed consent.

        And again- Sexist in the fact that: not all men have to be dominant to get laid and not all women are submissive (no matter how dominant the man may be). Many barely scrimps by; only 57% of women enjoy rough sex. A man who caters to a woman’s needs is not sexist; to think that she /needs/ him to cater to her needs, without precedent, is.

        And as “Tom Arrow” provides point for, there are men who read this and equate “submissive” with “inferior”. There is nothing wrong with a man secure in himself, his work, his sexuality. But as soon as he looks down on others because of it- There belies the issue. Dominance would be nothing without submissiveness. To the point, just because someone is an asshole, doesn’t mean that there can’t be things that /can/ be respected about them (that, typically, is how politics work).

        • Northwest slave

          Well I am a woman, 47 to be exact, and married 21 years to a man who begs me, too nice. Divorce looms because of other problems, but sex with a man who begs me and is too gentle is a turn off. On the other hand, there is someone else…he ties me up, tells me to call him “Master” and tells me I am his love slave. He is not so rough it’s painful, he is rough enough for it to be incredible, there is a balance. Personally I want a man to dominate in bed. So long as there is initial trust there, it is incredible. Deep guttural sounds deep in his throat as he is pulling my clothes off, tying me up, telling me what to do, nothing better as far as I am concerned. Gentlemen don’t make good lovers, they make good butlers.

        • angry foodie

          Late to the game.

          Good post, except for your apologetics about pitbulls.

          I think it is worth pointing out that this is not misogynistic, just a bit over the top. Some women love this stuff, some don’t.

          As a breed, they are bred for killing. No weaker dog or child should ever be left anywhere near one.

          When one breed is responsible for as many disfigured children and slaughtered pets as pit bulls are, there is ,
          no doubt in my mind they are a breed that would be best banned.

          And I don’t argue in favor of banning things lightly, but in my view pitbulls, even loved ones, are far more dangerous than guns and have no place in a responsibile person’s home unless that person intends to never take it to a public off leash area (other people’s pets are attacked/killed regularly in this exact scenario) or ever have it around children or to keep it muzzled all the time.

      • Wendye

        I completely agree with the article. Though I am on the opposite side. I am a woman trying to figure out how to talk my man into being rougher. I like being tied down, held down, told what to do next. The only thing I have never enjoyed before was the dirty talk. Even in porn it annoys me, it sounds so fake. And my ex-husband, who was rough, never used the pronouns like the article said to and I think that would have made a HUGE difference. Calling me “A whore/slut” was just demeaning and it probably didn’t help that he was actually abusive outside the bedroom and it made it a little too real when he spoke to me.

      • carla contini

        Any woman with a measurable IQ is not going to put up with what you are advocating. Real women do indeed like a strong man but we don’t need to be ordered around or choked to know you’re strong. It’s the fact that we know a man is way stronger than us but chooses to be gentle that turns us on. So sorry buck-o, you’re not getting any of this girl’s pussy!

  • vlad94

    what if she gets bored of the same words ?

  • Guest

    Well I WAS into this article until I read: How many women have begun keeping pit bulls and other large dogs as pets. Women are so desperate for a little danger and play in their lives that they bring an inherently dangerous animal – an animal they can never tame – into their homes.

    Do you realize what harm you do when you write such complete bullshit? My pitbull cowers at any hand or voice raised in her direction. Years of rough handling (read: ABUSE) have completely damaged her and it’s bullshit stereotypes like this that keep people thinking that are an untamable type of animal. Just stick to what you know; sex and humans. Ok?

  • babygirl

    Well I WAS into this article until I read: How many women have begun keeping pit bulls and other large dogs as pets. Women are so desperate for a little danger and play in their lives that they bring an inherently dangerous animal – an animal they can never tame – into their homes.

    Do you realize what harm you do when you write such complete bullshit? My pitbull cowers at any hand or voice raised in her direction. Years of rough handling (read: ABUSE) have completely damaged her and it’s bullshit stereotypes like this that keep people thinking that are an untamable type of animal.

  • julie

    I think I need help my partner wants me to be more dormant in the bed room I just don’t no where to start I have never been in this position before and helping me he just gets annoyed or should I just give up ?

  • Ash Haughton

    Wait, this is so far off here and there. I’m a queen of bdsm and I find that this is lacking in knowledge. The woman doesn’t want you acting dominant like she’s just there for his pleasure. We want dominance that revolves around pleasing Us, you nutball.

  • Ash Haughton

    You can’t dominate just any woman. Reading some of this is creepy. You have to get the ones that love it, the ones that feel in control when playing like this. The ones like me 😉 hehehe

  • Ash Haughton

    Calling us timid, field mice is ignorant. I sure as hell am not. I tend be grunt like crazy and I get sick of people giving a damn.

  • Aaron

    Clint Eastwood knows how to be dominant. Too bad writing about game brings out the pond scum.