How to Fix Yourself by Answering One Question

I’m known for my mental toughness. At the gym no one really likes me because I look like a psychopath. During a heavy set I will see stars and I have no fear of dying in the gym. I have endured some truly horrible life experiences and not merely survived them: I becomes a stronger, more complex person.

But that’s only one side of me. I am also contemptibly weak. It’s true. I’ll prove it.

Get me Out of this Cold Shower…Where’s my Blanky!?

blanky

I’ve known about the benefits of contrast showers for over a decade. You’d therefore think I’d have been taking contrast showers for all of these years. You’d be wrong.

Like a little punk beeoch, I’d do them for a couple of days and stop – always for some b.s. reason. As my boy Ben Franklin observed, “So convenient a thing it is to be a reasonable creature, since it enables one to find or make a reason for everything one has a mind to do.”

In truth I was too much of a little boy to do them. The cold water would make me shiver. I’d jump right out of the cold water after 30 seconds or so. “Enough of this crap, I bet they don’t even work!”

A few months ago I told myself to stop being so contemptible and revolting. I take a contrast shower whenever I shower, and been reaping all of the benefits of contrast showers, including developing my mental toughness with cold showers.

I Touch Myself When I Think About Not Having Any Self Control.

Almost two years ago I posted a well-researched and thoughtful video on the hazards of masturbating to online pornograpy. (Is Porn Ruining Your Sex Life?) Did I stop watching porn?

i touch myself

Heck no. I told myself, “Only Christians and feminists have a problem with porn.” Plus, I always had a great sex life. Porn didn’t impact my libido or relationships with women. (Or so I told myself.)

I recently stopped touching myself. The results have been nothing short of astounding. (I’ll talk about them in a future post.)

I Became More Extroverted by Not Using my Introversion as an Excuse for Laziness.

On a Myers-Briggs or any other personal inventory, I’m going to come up as being an introvert. Being in crowds wears me out. Too much talking exhausts me. Being around other people is less likely to energize me and more likely to drain me.

Attending a Tony Robbins Seminar forced me to ask myself something. Am I really introverted, or is that a limiting belief?

My own personal limiting belief is that I’m just a low energy, naturally introverted guy.

I consciously chose to make room for the possibility that my introversion is an excuse. It’s how I avoid challenging situations. It’s a way to avoid personal growth.

People would often reach out to me and I’d ignore them. “Enough of that,” I told myself. “If people care enough to reach out, stop being a jerk and at least thank them for thinking of you.”

Instead of avoiding the numerous Tweets, emails, private messages, blog comments, and text messages people send me, I resolved to answer them all. Instead of staying home so often, I decided to actually go out more.

(I’m active on Twitter. Follow me.)

Screen Shot 2014-01-08 at 3.36.34 PM

It was hard as first. It really was. I’d be tired and drained. I’d see a bunch of comments or text messages and grimace.

Do you know what I realized?

Yes, I am introverted. But personality is not fixed like height. It’s malleable. Being around people and talking to people is far less draining than before.

Rather than being drained, I’ve actually felt more fulfilled than ever, as helping people overcome their own weaknesses and watching people I mentor grow enriches me and nourishes my soul.

Here’s the Question to Ask Yourself.

In case you haven’t figured it out by now, this isn’t a post about me. It’s a post about you. I just used myself as an example because who do we know better than ourselves? Here’s what you need to ask yourself:

What am I too weak to do? What have I been avoiding because it seemed like it would be impossible to do or require too much effort?

That’s a hard question that requires honesty and self-reflection. Who wants to admit weakness? Yet if you answer that question, you’ll be able to improve your life.

(“If you can’t fix it, you don’t own it.”)

Fix yourself

Sploosh touches on this theme in his post, “21 Points to Glory,” which is a list of 21 things he was previously too weak to stop doing. He was too weak to stop touching himself, among other things.

He recognized his weakness and he is working on them.

No more Weakness. No More Excuses. Post a Comment Confessing your Weakness

We’re in this together, bros. I have been answering every question people ask. Other readers and commenters are pitching in.

You’re not an island unto yourself. Let us know what we can do to help you.

What is the one thing you know you should be doing, but that you’re not doing (for whatever bullshit reason)? Post your comments below.

Read next: How I stopped being pathetic, got off my ass, and fixed Danger & Play.

  • Asf

    This is a common one but:

    Approaching a girl that gives me that ungh feeling as soon as I see her.

  • MattyIce

    Getting ripped.

    • Danger & Play

      What’s your plan?

  • Manny

    making new friends

    getting in shape

    improving my career

    • Danger & Play

      Become friends with people who want to get in better shape and/or improve their careers.

      Always look for “twofers.”

  • Michael

    Watching porn, talkin to girls, making friends, being social,

    Great post brother

    • Danger & Play

      Stop watching porn and you will start talking to girls. That is certain.

  • Laguna Beach Fogey

    “During a heavy set I will see stars and I have no fear of dying in the gym.”

    lol, glad I’m not the only one.

  • Michael

    It doesn’t change the meaning of your post much, but there’s a difference between being introverted and being unsociable/shy. You can be sociable and introverted, and you can be extroverted but socially awkward.

    Introversion is not a personality limitation nor is it something that needs be “fixed”. There are even certain advantages to being introverted. There is no advantage to being unsociable. People often conflate the two and excuse their social awkwardness by claiming to “be introverted” (even if they are actually extroverted but just shy), because they think introversion can’t be changed. And it’s true that introversion and extroversion are so primitive to our individual personalities that to go from one to the other, if it were even possible, would require nothing short of moving psychological mountains. Sociability, on the other hand, is easier and more important to develop, even if you are introverted.

    That said, I know I should become more sociable and be able to sell.

    • Danger & Play

      Are you one of those guys who is spends time fining flaws with others as a way to avoid looking inward?

      Think about it. If that’s you, stop. You can’t fix the world, but you can fix yourself.

      • Michael

        Perhaps I came across more abrasively than I intended. I wasn’t looking for flaws in your post. I did say that I agreed it post and I admitted my own flaws when it came to sociability. I just wanted to share with you information about psychology.

        • Danger & Play

          Nah, man, I knew what you were getting at and appreciate your comment. [Bro fist.]

          I was just trying to emphasize something a lot of us do – we often look outward instead of inward at our own flaws.

  • RioNomad

    Great post.

    My #1 is my daily diet. Thought the past week I’ve been spot on with it with no signs of slowing. I am actually enjoying it, though it’s a bitch here in Bangkok with such a large lack of Western goods available.

  • Anon

    I am scared to seek out the people who hurt me when I was weak, now that I am strong, I am still terrified to see any of them. I dream about beating the shit out of them at least once a weak. I am strong. I have crazy fast reflexes (always catching shit I accidently knock over. Spiderman shit.) I use my legs and core to punch. I am fast. I am scared of what I might do to them, but revenge is what I want. Its been years, and I’m still waiting. But when the opportunity presents itself, I will be terrified D&p. I am scared to let my “primal” state take over. I am scared to let go.

    I’m fucking anxious, man. I’m nervous in public, because I have to act like a “good boy”. My mental state is all fucked up, but powerlifting let’s me get it out.

    I think it’s that part of the brain you were talking about. The “lizard” brain speaking to me. I can feel its voice. Not in words. It tells me to wait, patiently. It tells me to tell my girl to fuck off when she’s being a bitch. It tells me to cheat, to fuck, to eat, to flirt with that horny female, to stare at that man checking out my girl like I am gonna fucking go at him until he turns away, it tells me to let go of him. He’s been locked up inside for so long, I guess I’m scared to let him out.

    Idk if I am lying to you and myself, and I know it doesn’t make much sense, but that’s what came out.

    How does it feel to know your writings have influence on many? Scared? Nah, you don’t get scared. It excites you, and I know it.

    Thanks for letting me share.

    • Danger & Play

      Two Buddhist Monks were on a journey, one was a senior monk, the other a junior monk. During their journey they approached a raging river and on the river bank stood a young lady. She was clearly concerned about how she would get to the other side of the river without drowning.

      The junior monk walked straight past her without giving it a thought and he crossed the river. The senior monk picked up the woman and carried her across the river. He placed her down, they parted ways with the woman and on they went with the journey.

      As the journey went on, the senior monk could see some concern on the junior monk’s mind, he asked what was wrong. The junior monk replied, “how could you carry her like that? You know we can’t touch women, it’s against our way of life”. The senior monk answered, “I left the woman at the rivers edge a long way back, why are you still carrying her?”

      —-

      Why are you still carrying the people who hurt you?

  • fixmyshit

    - stop PMO (been lurking http://reddit.com/r/NoFap for a year, it’s time to bite the bullet)
    – get ripped
    – daily hygiene / grooming
    – make to-do lists and get important chores done – get my shit together in a big way
    – start a business
    – apocalypse openers: why mess around with anything less anymore?

    • Danger & Play

      Stop watching porn and you’ll have the energy, drive, and motivation to do the other things on your list.

  • http://scartissue.us Wald

    Things I’m weak on:

    1. Watching porn
    2. Working out regularly
    3. Only eating sweets on weekends
    4. Going to sleep too late instead of early (and waking up late)

    Wald

    • Danger & Play

      Which one should you fix first?

      Is there one item on the list that you could fix that would likely lead to a “snowball effect,” allowing you to better attack the other items on your list?

      • http://scartissue.us Wald

        I think the porn one is the one I should start with.

        Cutting that out will cut out hours on the internet – which may lead to more sleep. Working out will get taken care of once I return to university with mandatory PT twice a week (just gotta convince myself to do my own thing on Wednesday).

        I think the sweets is a matter of will power. If I can marshal the will power to cut out porn, I’ll be able to muster the willpower to cut out sweets.

        Wald

  • anon1

    This could end up getting back to the ROK boards which sucks but with further ado…

    low self esteem a lot of the time [i’m somewhere between introvert and extrovert (pushed myself at uni and fucking loved it), now i am back in my craphole of a hometown doing the dutiful thing and helping a bit with a sick dad and have kind of shelved a lot of my dreams for a few years because of it]. there’s few people here.

    people in work are mostly schlubby fat weak women and beta men, and i feel my strength being sucked out every moment i am there, but need to work to help family and kick back a bit of money to help the old man. he doesnt even ask for it, and encourages me to go and pursue dreams outside, but i feel a duty to him, to atleast help out until hopefully his condition stabilises. one masculine motherfucker, much more hardship and bullshit than ive ever had to live and i dont want to let him down.

    one masculine night a week playing poker and various other in person games with a group of guy friends from my youth [know everyone atleast 10 years] which is about the one night a week i get a destresser. they are good lads, but all fathers now, and to be honest, quite beta. but they’ve been a damn good support over many years, and its hard to find friends that last that long and are worthy reliable men.

    bonified gym head and have been going hard and heavy for about 2 years so i am much stronger, but still not happy with my chest composition [not full man tits but i am flabby, mostly diet related, which i am correcting at the moment] and gut.

    obviously its not even remotely like body of a spartan and victor teaches and ive picked that up recently specifically to go back to basics [i was all data collection for about a year and a half and plateaud for so fucking long on my strength in the basics that put me off writing down numbers since about november last year]. i know its vain, i have a great face, but the fact my body is not as i want it to be, makes me feel less confident. i know on times when i’m ‘on’ its not mattered, but i think the physical informs the mental so i want this sorted.

    been planning on getting a omega juicer as per your recommendation for months now, but still waiting for a few more weeks till i can get down the money to buy the high end quality masticating ones.

    despite everything, despite knowing implictly and explicitly the whole red pill life [years man, fucking years], red pill thinking and preventing myself from being a bitch 95% of the time, i still am currently in the bullshit known as oneitis

    she’s a foreign woman, not a british dog. she grew up in an obscure quiet part of france from a catholic family though she’s not particularly religious now. whats that word for when someone has had a bit of a introverted life, so they dont quite realise how much they have to offer the opposite sex? i dont know what it is, but she’s that.

    negatives: careerist. fuck why get into a career when you’re young french and beautiful. but the advantage that’s afforded is there’s not much competition in the way of men, and her job is not exactly high up and its niche. [ive seen her friends not a stiff alpha among any of them] ofcourse she could be fucking a hard cock and i could not be aware of it, but i dont think thats the case. pretty introverted girl.

    anyway my point is that i’m way too hung up on her, and when i retreat from her she gets all interested, but then i feel like to be beta and boring again.

    essentially i need to have enough other women to keep my attention fairly distracted that i give every girl just the fair amount of time necessary, and not too much.

    got a few businesses off the ground, but only one client for one [web dev] and the other is a long shot.

    when i had no work, i had too much free time and a crippling anxiety about doing anything. now i am busy as shit, i have limited time [gym, poker with guys, and sleep] and unlimited ideas, but no way to express them.

    work is shit as mentioned previously being surrounded by a lot of non-hit-on-able worthless women who bitch and gossip all day. i feel as though i’m passively absorbing this shit.

    hmm what else, i am fucking angry and fed up man. i’m in my 20s and all i want to do is just go fuck off to some eastern european or south east asian country for a few months, work out hard there, get used to a more traditional type of woman, and focus on my finances abroad.

    instead i’m stuck here. in more ways than one.

  • Nascimento

    “Heck no. I told myself, “Only Christians and feminists have a problem with porn.” Plus, I always had a great sex life. Porn didn’t impact my libido or relationships with women. (Or so I told myself.)

    I recently stopped touching myself. The results have been nothing short of astounding. (I’ll talk about them in a future post.)”

    I’m interested in a further discussion and your 2cents on this for sure D&P.

  • Xman

    My weaknesses:
    1) Porn. I feel it kills motivation in every area of life.
    2) I need to drive more to become independent and able to drive anywhere without fear. I have a license but often I avoid driving.
    3) I need to escalate more. No problems with flirting, attraction, “game”, girls like me, I keep their interest high, but often I just don’t pull the trigger or I delay possible rejection through endless Facebook chats.
    4) I need to study consistently for several hours a day, every day.

    • anon1

      regarding the PMO, i can give you one tip that has been very effective so far.

      when you’re getting in from work, in the evenings keep the computer off and go to sleep early.

      if you need to be mentally stimulated get a kindle and download a bunch of books on there and ebooks and whatever

      it will give you more energy in the rest of the day to go for day game, and in general you’ll be healthier.

      we were meant to be awake in the day and asleep at night.

      do this for 5 days a week with atleast saturday being a late night

      • Danger & Play

        I had to Google PMO. PMO = pron, masturbation, orgasm.

        Thanks for the tips.

    • peewee

      I had issues with driving , when I started anxiety. I realized that the anxiety is necessary at first to keep you alert, but as you gain experience it fades.
      1. get some lessons from a good driving school ,
      2 drive during the day when the weathers nice ,
      3 plan a route.
      4 If you’ve ridden with people that get road rage try to forget that and have calm reactions and move on quickly.
      5 drive for fun , music on windows down nowhere to be
      6 try to get experience with many different vehicles , its interesting how other drivers treat you in a F -350 vs a compact.

      • Bub

        1. I seek acceptance

  • http://www.pillscout.com Pill Scout

    My major problem is in reaching out to people who aren’t already in my circle. Like you mentioned here, I find it exhausting. I fall into the introvert category. I’m not afraid to break out of that mold, but I do know that if I do go at it, I’m going to be tired again.

    Perhaps I’ll just start by responding to everyone ASAP in my inbox instead of letting unread e-mails gather dust. It’s a really bad habit I have.

    • anon1

      there’s a fine line between responding to everyones whim and responding to need.

      definitely recommend gary vaynerchuks [spelling?] crush it, for excellent advice on that

  • Rob

    Diet. I’d be ripped if not for the sweet tooth and bad eating when I’m tired. Recently purchased a Vitamix and I’ve been making banana and berry smoothies, which I’m hoping will at least curb my sweet tooth. As for the tired piece, I need to work on having healthy food available to eat when I don’t feel like making something, otherwise it’s off to Chinese delivery.

  • Simon

    Listening to podcast with McQueen. I always thought you had deep voice, don’t know why.
    Anyway, great pod.

  • Gustav

    Things I’m too weak to do:
    Figure out if I should keep dating a girl I am seeing at the moment or if I should fuck whoever I want.
    Knowing when to stop bulking or if I am bulking correctly (I’m 62 kg at 180 cm).
    Not fapping
    Cold showering
    Quitting the ciggarettes

    • anon1

      1 and 2 i am having similar-ish issues, but 3 and 4 i can recommend based on myself and people in my group

      get an e-cig or read and get the shit listed here [chantix + a book] : http://www.gll-getalife.com/how-to-stop-smoking-forever-in-6-days/ [the book is hugely important for the psychological addiction aspects]

      for cold showers, just try 2 minutes of hot water, then cool down each limb individually. [personally verified]

      first right leg then left, then right arm then left,

      then head and neck, then torsoe then finally back [this is the one that makes people a bit uneasy on]

      give a lot of time to each limb to make sure you calm your reaction to each successive bit. [theres a study on this by dan ariely in predictably irrational. basically the common wisdom about pulling off a bandage fast to spare the pain is bullshit, slow and easy helps long term. similar principle can be applied to changing bandages just as it could too cold showers]

      a good resource for this [though the guy is a bit over the top about its benefits] is http://www.jackkruse.com/cold-thermogenesis-easy-start-guide/

      the iceman [i forgot his name but he goes swimming in arctic waters] basically benefited from this adaptation

      ignore his [jack kruse] biblical level of praise for cold in the site and just use some of the tips to try cold showers

      • anon1

        shit my bad D&P, no external websites!

        • Danger & Play

          Relevant links to other sites are welcome. The spam filters will hold them until I approve them, though, as linking to more than one site in a single comment is conduct associated with spammers. (You’re not a spammer, obviously; I’m just explaining the reasoning.)

  • http://www.intenseapexalphamale.com/wp Intense Apex Alpha Male

    Excellent post D&P. That is what is needed; To look inward. Once we look inward and stop doing stupid stuff, then and only then can we move forward and succeed.

    I.A.A.M.

  • Cameron

    D&P I forgot how much I enjoy your writing style. I’ll be listening to your Christian McQueen Podcast today (that’s actually what prompted me to check back).

    I need to stop watching porn and touching myself.

    Also get back into cold showers. I learned about them from Victor Pride. I tried “cool” showers but never went full-out “cold”. Time to man up.

    Also stop using my introversion as a crutch.

    Seems like we have a lot in common. If you can do it so can I.

    • http://www.optimizestrength.com Mark

      The best way to approach cold showers, in my opinion, is to literally just take the plunge and go from normal, body temperature to the lowest, coldest setting in the shower. I feel like going from hot to cold, or any sort of contrast just defeats the purpose.

      Cold showers teach you mental toughness by enduring the harshest of conditions and emerging stronger. So going from warm to extreme cold is going to amp you up, and it teaches you to stop the hesitation and just DO it!

      This is my favorite article on cold showers so far, and it’s where I got that idea from: http://www.optimizestrength.com/cold-showers-develop-mental-toughness-spartan/

  • Steve

    Getting my career in order, Right now I want to have a career teaching in Asia in an international school(not English teaching) It freaks me the hell out though.

    I want to stop watching porn. and start talking to the girls around me in my college campus.

    This is another one, I still think I’m ugly and fat, even though I fixed my body so that I’m actually very attractive (6’4″ 250 12%bf) but I still have the mindset and insecurity of a 400 lb man.

  • CaP7

    Daygame.

    Nightlife has never been a problem for me. I love the energy of going out and I like being in party crowds. Getting older now and nightlife doesn’t align well with my physical and vocational goals. I’ve found a great spot for daygame, I’ve read Roosh’s book, I read Krauser, I don’t make it happen. Today I went into 4 stores and walked right by 7 girls I wanted to bang. Didn’t approach any of them.

    I’m thinking about seeing a therapist. WTF? It’s as if there’s a mindset that I need to get to, but I can’t figure out what that mindset is. I’m in financial sales for work, and I’m having the same problem.

    It’s mental. It’s a mindset. It’s something that I think I’m too weak to do.

    Great post.

    • Danger & Play

      You are probably stuck inside your head too much doing day game. During night game, the music and vibe is loud enough that it can quiet the inner voice.

      I bet you are stuck inside your head.

      Next time you see a cute girl, don’t think. Don’t think of a line. Don’t think if it’s the right time to approach.

      Just make your move.

  • http://badgerhut.wordpress.com Badger

    Getting to bed at a reasonable hour/not procrastinating via finding something to stimulate me late at night.

  • Weak But Determined

    I’m so weak! I have shit to do to make money (I have everything figured out) but I”m acting like a little bitch “trying to find myself” and “feeling like I’m going through a change” this is gay! I’m gonna take a cold shower EVERY TIME I start bitching about doing work. THANKS

  • http://blackpoisonsoul.blogger.com BlackPoisonSoul

    1/ PMO, dammit

    2/ diet (the muscles are improving while the belly isn’t, thanks to my addiction to flour-carbs)

    3/ procrastination on the weekends (far too much reading and web)

    4/ procrastination regarding a second income

    5/ not doing the cold-shower thing

    6/ not getting outside enough during summertime (I live in New Zealand)

    • Danger & Play

      Do one thing for a month.

      You have 12 months in a year.

      Just pick one.

      Start today.

      Change that for a month.

      That’s how you build momentum.

  • Noodles

    Hey D&P,
    Just chanced upon your blog via twitter, and spent a good hour reading through some of your articles. Been taking down some notes too
    “You will find so much power, passion and internal fortitude from your past if you look at all the horrible things that have happened to you as training for what you must become now. View the past as a preclude to your vision for the future”
    This really spoke to me.

    My first weakness was being an extreme fatty and being in denial about it. Thankfully I’ve overcome that and now am lifting heavy and doing HIIT every other day.

    My weakness now are bringing myself back into social media. I quit facebook a year ago and life is quiet and peaceful. I was ‘the person’ on facebook with over 2000 genuine friends I knew. However I decided to go ‘cocoon mode’ and now am debating whether to return to the pool of useless banter and seeing posts that scream for validation.

    However I am more level-headed and grounded now than I ever was before and am grateful for everything I’ve learnt with the absence of the white noise of social media.

    Another weakness is fearing a closer relationship with the opposite gender. Not sure how to address this as my view on romance is slowly turning more cynical and nihilistic as time goes by.

    Nevertheless your post has given me some thoughts to munch upon.
    Thank you for your posts and have a great day/month/year/life ahead!
    Love and light to all!

    • Danger & Play

      It takes time to build yourself up. Keep plugging along, doing something each day to make yourself better and your life a few years from now will be one that you could hardly imagine today.

  • pops3284

    How long do you guys do the cold showers for. I just do mine for about 5 or 6 minutes at thats it?

    • me

      Mine last around 3 probably… like D&P said when you stop shivering you should be good

  • me

    Instead of doing a contrast shower I just wash my body in hot water at the beginning then turn the water as cold as it will go while keeping a strong stream, then wash my hair and then take another .5-1 minute in cold water. Do you think this is equally, more or less effective than a contrast shower?
    thanks,
    me

    • Danger & Play

      I don’t alternate between hold and cold. I just get the water hot enhough that my skin turns red/pink. This means blood vessels are dilated and that blood is flowing.

      Then I turn on cold water.

      Whatever gunk got brought to the surface from the hot water is hacked out.

      I keep the cold water running until I stop shivering. Once I am used to the cold water and it isn’t no thing, then I’m done.

      My hair is soft and I am rarely sore from the gym. I also expel some obvious gunk during the shower. That is stuff/toxins/whatever that was floating around in your body and now it’s gone.

      I knew about contrast showers for years and never committed to doing them. Now I wish I had always done them.

      • me

        thanks for the reply,
        I basically do the same thing, been doing it for a couple months now and I feel like I have noticed several benefits including a boost in my immune system (got through flu season without a hint of a cold), I feel better after the gym (and the next day) etc.

        me

  • Quintus Curtius

    It’s amazing how the manosphere can be seen as a rediscovery of wisdom from earlier ages.

    I saw MCF’s article here on the benefits of contrasting showers and thought: so true, and so similar to ancient Roman bathing habits.

    A citizen entering the public baths (called “thermae”) at that time would enter the “tepidarium” (a warm air room). Then he could enter the “calidarium” or hot-air room. Superheated steam could be found in the “laconicum”.
    These hot waters were good for forestalling rheumatism or arthritis.
    Then the bather would immediately plunge into the “frigidarium” for the cold-water immersion. The idea was that the temperature contrast would help the joints and ligaments expand and contract.
    Then the bather would get an oil rubdown, which would be scraped off with a strigil, leaving a bit of oil on the skin to help lubricate it.

    The wisdom of this article is supported by the experience of 2000 years.

  • Joe

    I’m good creating and composing music but I find it really hard to concentrate and make music on a daily basis, I studied music and I’m still involved, but I can seem to get on the chair for a few minutes without the “itch” of getting up and move or do something else, I believe is anxiety. But is just in that case that I have it.

  • max power

    My boy ben franklin

  • Tiger Jockey

    Getting up when I don’t have to work, and leaving the house for anything other than chores and work.