Anyone who has ever gotten decent as a sport is usually a quick student of game. This is because athletes know how to approach a new discipline. Athletes also know how to troubleshoot.
I’ll give you an example by discussing the most effective martial art system ever devised – Gracie Jiu Jitsu (what guys now call Brazilian Jiu Jitsu or BJJ).
To use BJJ effectively in a fight, you must master some fundamentals:
- Close the distance.
That took 30 seconds to write but that will take you a couple of hundred hours on the mat to get good and it will take several thousands of hours to master.
You can watch all of the Gracie in Action videos and see those tactics at play. First, the fighter will close the distance by using a push kick to the knee. Then the fighter will clinch with his opponent. This prevents the fighter from getting punched. Next comes the takedown. (Sometimes the clinch is skipped as the fighter goes for a double leg takedown rather than a body lock.)
After the opponent is on the ground, the fighter passes guard (if needed) and attacks from the mounted position. In mount, the fighter rains down punches. Since people do not like getting punched in the face, the opponent will throw up his arm to defend himself (in which case he’ll be arm locked) or he will roll to his belly (and be submitted with a rear naked choke).
Once you understand these fundamentals, you can always tell where you need to improve. Some guys are great grapplers once the fight is on the ground but they cannot take the fight to the ground. This means you train takedowns. Other guys are too afraid of getting hit. This means they need to focusing on learning how to close the distance.
Whenever there is a problem, the solution is to look towards fundamentals.
Game is no different. The fundamentals of game are:
- Make the approach.
- Build attraction.
- Establish comfort.
- Maintain momentum.
- Overcome last-minute resistance.
Simple, right? You approach a girl. You build attraction by demonstrating value. You can demonstrate value through any number of ways – directly by just looking the part or less directly have having interesting stories.
Creating momentum is what it means to “sweep a girl off of her feet.” Once she is attracted to you, you create momentum by physically escalating through touching, squeezing her, and dominating her (for example, by leading her to a new venue).
If you create too much momentum, the girl will get skittish. This is where comfort comes in. (I actually don’t personally use much comfort, but most guys tend to find it works well for them.) Sometimes a girl just wants to talk about innocent subjects a few minutes, which means a man needs to lay off the sexual talk and stop going for make-outs for a few minutes.
Finally, you have to anticipate last-minute resistance. No girl has ever just had sex with me without pausing for a minute. You can overcome LMR in many ways. One girl said, “Wow, you don’t waste any time,” after I started undressing her within 5 minutes of getting her on my bed. I just chuckled and kept going for it. In my college days I used to stop to “talk about it.” I always lost the bang. Now I never do.
What does this all mean? It means that if you’re not getting laid as often as you should, it’s not because you’re missing out on some zany opener. Your fundamentals are fucked up.
If you’re approaching often but not getting numbers, it’s because you’re not building attraction. (You don’t need to establish comfort in order to get a number.) If you’re getting a lot of make-outs but no bangs, it’s because you’re not creating comfort. She feels like things are “moving too fast.” Slow down and relax.
Have you ever tried pushing a car? If you just push on the car, it’s not going to move. To create the momentum needed to move the car, you have to let it rock back a bit (comfort). Then you push it forward (attraction). Then you let it rock back again. Finally you have the momentum needed to keep the car moving.
Even if your view of the fundamentals differ from my own, you need to have an idea of what the fundamentals are. Otherwise you will be randomly changing variables without any conception of what problem the change is supposed to address.
Incidentally, BJJ and game have something else in common. Namely that you need to spend time actually applying it. Sitting around all day over what works and what doesn’t is of limited value.
There is no substitute for time on the mat and hours meeting women.