Do You Hide Who You Are?

A reader writes in,

“One of the hardest things about taking the red pill is that I feel like I can’t be myself  at work and around friends and family. I have to bite my lip and keep quiet. How do you handle it?”

This is a fairly common concern. The answer has two components – psychological and practical.

You are afraid of being yourself because you fear rejection. You are afraid that your family and friends will forsake you. You’re trying to rationalize it as something else, but that’s ultimately what’s going on.

Therefore you need to get your mind right. Work on your “inner game” or “frame” or whatever you want to call it. If you fear rejection, your inner game is weak because it means you rely on other people to validate your identity.

Your concern reminded me of a quote about work from Fight Club:

We buy things we dont need

You say things you don’t mean to impress people you don’t  like.

Be honest. Do you like your blue pill friends and relatives? Perhaps I’m guilty of projection, but I hate blue pill people.

I view blue pill people with contempt. If you’re a compassionate person, maybe you pity rather than hate them.

Do you even like these people?

Chances are that you do not. What do you have to lose by being yourself? You have nothing to lose but losers, parasites, leeches, and dead weight.

Be yourself. If your views offend them, wish them well on their journey and part ways. This includes your family.

If you do not like these people, why would you fear their rejection? Your fear is irrational, as you fear mice when you aspire to be a lion.

Now you might say that you have to bite your lip at work due to political correctness and HR concerns. If that’s true, I would ask you something:

Are you going to be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company?

If you’re not going to be a CEO, why care if you can get a shit job at some corporation?  I could never be hired at Coca-Cola, Pepsi, or State Farm. Some woman in HR would Google my  name (there is nothing I’ve said at this blog that I haven’t said in real life or under my real name) and that’d be the end of my job search.

You know what? I don’t give a shit because sitting a cubicle and living in fear of the fatties and losers in HR would be a version of hell.

I haven’t had a W-2 in over 11 years. I’ve been on my own, running my own business for over a decade. There’s no reason you need to work for some shit company.

As with your fear of rejection, your fear of being persona non grata to some shit corporation is irrational.

I have incredibly rich and successful friends and business associates. Many of them think I am a lazy bum and would love to have me working  with them. Finding a job would be as easy as making a phone call. This is true even though I do not have a résumé.

Many men agree with what I write and say in real life. The most successful a man is, the more likely he will agree with my message.

It’s only the weak and pathetic who disagree with me. Why do you want to work and associate with the weak? Is it worth swimming in vomit for the chance that you might someday earn six figures?

What does it profit a man, if he gains the money to shop at Ikea and wear khaki pants, and  lose his soul?

It takes a while to have the “inner game” to just be true to who you are and recognize that many will reject you. At first the rejection may sting. We probably evolved to fear rejection because we used to live in close knit communities of 150 or so people.

In a small community, rejection could mean the difference between life and death. Piss off a tribe elder and suddenly you’ll have a “hunting accident,” or be forbidden from marrying his daughter.

Now-a-days rejection doesn’t mean anything. Unlike our primitive ancestors, we are not born into a community. We have the power to create our own communities.

When you stop lying about who you are, you will actually have legitimate friendships and business relationships. The people in your life will be there when you need them to be, and you will gladly be there for them when they need you.

In conclusion:

Stop pretending to be something you’re not in order to win the approval of people you don’t like.


  • rivsdiary

    i have a list, and it is five names long:

    roissy, roosh, yohami, krauser, d&p

    • anon1

      Ah see this is why i love the comments. yohami is new to me, cheers!

      i usually do the Roosh,ROK,D&P,Krauser and wall street playboys check for new articles/posts

  • sixsix

    Great article. This is exactly what defines the core of inner game for life.
    Keep up the good work.

  • Keanu

    Winners associate with winners. I’m moving soon and focusing on very conscientiously building mutually beneficial relationships with other men who have a parallel frame of mind. I’m going to offend some old friends in the process as we spend less time together, but it’s a shift that needs to happen. I’m excited.

    In my old, pre-manosphere mentality, I couldn’t understand how some people could be such assholes and not care about offending anyone. Now I’m finding that I’m that offensive guy in the group who says the uncomfortable unspoken truth. And I find that I like it.

    Also, good quote on IKEA. I can’t fucking stand the site of that place.

  • Dagonet

    Certified gold post right here. I particularly appreciate it right now. Yesterday I posted something on my personal Facebook that I’m sure annoyed/alienated some people (I wrote about this on my blog today). But at a certain point, who really gives a shit? Being honest about who you are, and not having to conceal your beliefs in fear, is worth infinitely more than “social acceptance,” particularly in such a backwards, broken society.

  • XDays

    Great post.

    I’ve been having a lot of trouble recently because my ambition and world views have left me somewhat isolated from everybody I know. I was feeling really lonely about it, until I realized something: who cares?

    If I keep following the path I’m on, I’ll be in a whole new social tier anyway. It’s not like I’m going to be around my old high school buddies forever.

    I’d rather be happy and by myself than miserable and surrounded by people I dislike.

    • anon1

      i’m not into any mystical or voodoo shiz but i highly recommend you read the book “art of happiness” by the dalai llama. specifically on mindfulness and the difference between pleasure and happiness. It helps clarify a lot on how happiness is found only by practising and training and can’t be externally satiated. You choose to do things that bring you pleasure [fuck hot chicks], you choose things that bring you happiness by mindfulness [ sharing the company of people you respect, working together on a worthy goal or ideal etc] but that if you dont decide internally upon what your happiness is, your external environment will make the decision for you

      i actually found out about it on a thread that D&P linked up on his twitter some while back.

  • freewheeler

    If you’re surrounded by dregs, roll solo. It’s infinitely more satisfying being true to your identity and reveling in your unpopular although true, beliefs. There is zero benefit to surrounding yourself with weak minded and unambitious people whose highlight of the week is racing home to watch the latest episode of game of thrones or some shit. Avoid the losers who are just going to try to manipulate you and shame you into being complacent living a mediocre existence alongside them.

  • anon1

    Thank you for this man. Good and timely reminder. I made so many beta friends and acquaintances in the past that i’m known perennially as ‘the nice guy’. which was a death knell for the sex life. and a hard moniker to lose

    3 years of change and i can only really be myself around new people i’ve met or on the manosphere.

    worth remembering, another classic and excellent post

  • Pill Scout

    Great post, and I really mean it. I can’t say that I read too many game blogs aside from Roissy, Roosh or stuff by you and Vox Day. I’ve taken away all that I needed from them, and I read CH now and then because of his sense of humor.

    Anyway, I can see the desire for wanting to be something that you aren’t is from a misguided drive to be “one of the boys.” This is normal when you’re coming into a group and not sure of where you’ll fit in, but it smacks of insecurity. If you’re doing that, stop. As your quote said: Stop pretending to be something you’re not in order to win the approval of people you don’t like. These are the people that the Reddit feminists caricature and pick on whenever they mention “game.”

    The fact is, nobody is born an expert, and some of the most interesting blogs are the ones where the person goes on their own journey of self-development. You will fuck up and you will humble yourself, but ultimately, you learn and hopefully succeed.

    In regard to that quote, it’s only ever helped me to take a “love me or leave me” stance when it comes to friends, relationships and more. I don’t use that as an excuse to be an utter asshole, but what it all comes down to is having that inner foundation of integrity and self-respect that I refuse to compromise on. Because of this, I don’t have to hang around anyone I don’t want to. I can’t say if this is the cause or the effect, but most people who are in my life already, I’ve come to realize, are fairly “red pill” as it is. The deluded and the soulless tend to drift away quickly.

  • 4DSpark

    Great post. More and more I’ve realized too that if someone doesn’t like me for an arbitrary reason its out of my control to change it anyways. Trying to be well liked means you’re constantly at the mercy of fools which makes you a fool.

  • mar kus

    I think that i have to dismiss my so called “friends” well, they used to be friends for some time, now there just people i know. im not really hanging out with them anymore and since i still live at home my parents kinda trying to piss me off by telling me i have to go out and do stuff with friends while im young, well.. maybe. but not with those bunch of douchebags.
    just this saturday they were at a friends house cause he got a big pool, i didnt want to go but then they called me and asked to come. i thought i could give it a try but afterall it was just a waste of time.
    nothing in common anymore to talk about and then there only asking me stupid questions all the time over. well, maybe that means that ill have to be the lonesome wolf again for some time.