What is it Like to Lose Your Children?

Friends have lived through the heartbreaking experience of losing one’s children. The problem with men is that we marry for love. Yet the love a man will have for his children will far exceed the love he will have for his wife.

We should marry with one question on our minds, “Will she make a great mother? Would she steal my children from me? How crazy or vindictive would she be during a divorce?”

To our own peril, we care more about romanic love (which wears off after a few years) than compatibility:

All of you people giving advice don’t know what it is like to love a son or daughter more than anything in the world, you don’t know what it is like to wake up in the morning and everyone is still asleep and when your kid wakes up your entire world comes to life and you start cooking breakfast and throwing them up in the air and talking about insects or snakes or whatever else devours their minds.

and then you have all of that love taken from you by some crazy ass bitch.my wife is the devil. I didn’t ruin my life, I am not some fucking apologist pussy that says, “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have drank so much” or “now i realize that alcohol ruined my life and took away my kids”.

I haven’t been to a bar in 12 years. When my kids wake up, I am already awake. I make breakfast, I wash dishes, I throw them up in the air (at least I used to do all of this). When my wife woke up, I told her how beautiful she was, even tho she isn’t.

That man’s wife cheated on him, falsely accused him of abusing her, and kept the kids. She spends his child support payments at the bar.

Heart breaking.

  • http://beingshadezero.wordpress.com Shade Zero

    “Yet the love a man will have for his children will far exceed the love he will have for his wife.”

    So very true.

    But, I have to say this, as much of a hell my marriage and divorce was I wouldn’t take any of it back, because my kid would not be here otherwise. And the Kid is my world.

    I could go on and on about the shitty things she did in the marriage and divorce, but I think we’ve all heard those tales. Mine was a horror, but I know some other men had it worse.

    Out of everything that happened with that divorce, the only thing that really hate is that I only have my kid half of the time.

  • Scott
    • http://www.facebook.com/penny.irwin.96 Penny

      Completely and utterly fucking EVIL. I can’t imagine anything worse.

  • http://scartissue.us Wald

    Is he from the US or an English speaking country?

  • ASF

    I’m another casualty of this. Even though my divorce was as amiable as it almost can be, I don’t see my child the way I should. All because my ex decided that certain aspects of her life were more important than remaining together.

    The love I have for my daughter is so different from what I could have for a woman, that it should just be a different word altogether.

  • Rob

    I am from a (sort of) US and English speaking country – New Jersey. My wife cheated on us with an unemployed, multiple dui bum. And because I wasn’t willing to live like that, we;re divorced Yet, ‘family court’ says she’s to have our boys half the time and mour daughter 11 days of each 14.

    She pays for nothing. She does nothing with them or for them. I am putting our boys through college on my own after having my finances devastated by ‘equitable distribution’ and monthly permanent alimony of over $3,000 a month.

    US and particularly NJ divorce laws are awful. ITs a legal system based on cracked laws and crazy precedents. There is not a whit of justice, right, sensible, fair or anything else in this. Only what’s legal.

    You are on your own if you’re a single father.

  • Odds

    hey D&P

    Could you give me some advice?

    My brother has been seriously dating this girl for a couple of years now. She is older than he is (my younger brother is only 22 and still in college) by 3 years and not good in the looks department. She is also lazy, out of shape, and stupid. She also dumped him a year ago but they got back together when he crawled back like a pussy.

    I don’t mind if he dates her but it is looking like this thing is not ending and I don’t want him to marry her. (He is a beta but has potential to not be. He is really talented but let himself get out of shape) My family and I don’t approve of her as she runs his entire life.

    How do I help my brother get out of this relationship? What can I do as his older brother to make sure he does not wreck his life by marrying or knocking up this bitch? I have talked with him several times about how young he is and that he will have lots more options if he stays single, makes money, and gets in shape. Is there anything else I can do? Or is he just going to have to make his own mistakes?

    • http://dangerandplay.wordpress.com dangerandplay

      He’s in love. Reasoning with him will be as successful as reasoning with a heroine addict. He’ll fuck his life up. Just be there for him when he crashes 5-10 years from now.

  • http://linanati.blogspot.com/ Linanati

    My brother’s bipolar ex-wife left a note on his truck windshield at work when she walked out. He’s lucky though that she abandoned their kid too. Fortunately, she had the modicum of sense necessary to leave their toddler with the babysitter instead of home alone or at some random place. It’s been hard for him in the years since then, but at least he has his child.

    Even more fortunately, my niece survived infancy. Nothing could be proven, but there were indications her mother may have been dosing her up on something to make her sleep more than normal. There are babies who die from that sort of thing. Never, ever, ever marry a girl who is bipolar. :The kids will be the ones who suffer the most from the father’s desire to save some poor, pretty, little nutcase.

  • http://badgerhut.wordpress.com Badger

    Re: Odds,

    Divorce stories are beyond heartbreaking, but it is also heartbreaking to see/hear about guys marrying overweight, ugly, harpy, consumptive women because they don’t have the sack to get out, they don’t have the confidence to get another piece of poon or they’re convinced they’re in “love.”

    There are a lot of dealbreakers a woman can exhibit, but all the stories have told me that two of the worst ones are:
    -Women with family history of obesity and/or laziness (they’ll turn into their mothers, etc)
    -Women with mental illness, especially bipolar or BPD (society already winks at a certain amount of female hystrionics, and the courts/cops won’t take your side if your woman is batshit crazy)

    You really can’t cross your fingers and look past it, or hope it will get better. Guys have to be really hard about this stuff, we do…we have to be as mercenary as women are about who they choose to be their mates.

    • http://linanati.blogspot.com/ Linanati

      Badger, you’re right, the men who are willing to commit can stand to be choosier. The fact that the guy is up for an LTR or marriage means he ought to be able to get a higher-quality girl, provided he confines his search to girls who want commitment and are not participating in the hook-up culture.

      Odds, by being with a lazy, fat harpy, your brother is telling higher-quality women that he isn’t worth much himself. He’s sabotaging his chances of getting a better woman. He needs to get out of that relationship, get in shape, work on whatever career or education path he’s chosen, and then find someone else. He probably won’t listen to you if you tell him that though.

      • http://badgerhut.wordpress.com Badger

        “He probably won’t listen to you if you tell him that though.”

        Probably not, but there were times in my life where all I needed was someone – one person – to tell me that it was OK to do what was best for _me_. More than once, just having someone I knew was in my corner gave me the guts to pull the trigger.

        I’m not trying to convert the world of men, but it never hurts to tell a guy he needs to get the fuck out of his shitty relationship. if he rejects me for saying that, he’s not in the same headspace and that means our friendship was shaky anyway.

    • http://badgerhut.wordpress.com Badger

      “or they’re convinced they’re in “love.””

      I really liked D+P’s post about alphas in love – it takes alpha to walk away from love when the situation isn’t right.

      We’re on a fucked-up love fetish in this society, we think love is more important than other things. The cynics are the opposite, they think love is a fraud and a waste of time. Very few people have a view like D+P, where love is a positive but not an overriding one.

      Guys really have to stop listening to women cooing about “luuuurve.”