Alpha, Beta, and Dogma

Men have become so obsessed with alpha and beta that they’ve forgotten something important: Alpha is a means to an end, not an end in itself.

Generally a man will have the most happiness if he’s the alpha in a situation. As sexless nerds masquerading on the Internet as players say, “An alpha male has greater access to resources, which is positively correlated with reproductive success.”

In other words, even the most die hard defender of the alpha-beta dichotomy recognizes that being alpha only matters because being alpha generally leads to more sex, money, and positive life experiences.

Although it’s useful to wonder if something is alpha or beta, it’s even more useful to ask: Does it fucking matter?

I know some men who claim, “If mom is happy, everyone is happy.” If making sure your girl is happy really does lead to your own happiness or fulfillment, who cares if rubbing her toes and making 10 p.m. ice cream runs is alpha or beta? Who cares if working yourself to death so she can spend your money in stupid shit is alpha or beta?

I will be the first guy to point out that “making momma happy” very often leads to misery. But if your relationship works, does it matter if you’re the beta? It sure wouldn’t matter to me.

Being an alpha is hard work. Being in a relationship requires a man to constantly discipline his woman. The single man has to keep his game tight. Game is like boxing. Take a few weeks off, and you’re timing is gone

To survive in the U.S., a man needs to be alpha. Again, though, alpha is still a means to an end, and not the end in itself.

If you enjoyed being in the Army, does it matter that you’re merely beta males working on behalf of the Illuminati? During my service I was able to travel, get paid for going to college (and the GI Bill was tax free), and my tuition was fully paid for. I even had fun.

It doesn’t matter even a little that guys who have necks thinner than my biceps opine that joining the Army is beta. What does matter is that my experience in the military was enjoyable – to me.

Some day we’re all going to be old men, sitting on a rocking chair or hospital bed. Even if we’re surrounded by family, we’ll spend more of our dying days inside our own heads.

When you’re reflecting on life, you won’t be asking whether you were alpha or beta. You will be remembering and reliving positive life experiences.

Stop wondering if something you’re doing is alpha or beta. Instead focus on whether you’re actually enjoying yourself.

If you’re focused on always being alpha or beta, you’re probably too busy being an uptight, insecure keyboard warrior to enjoy yourself.

If you are creating memories that will nourish your old soul, you’ll living life as it should be lived.

  • B.

    There’s no question that you’re alpha. Just from reading your writing, it’s clear that if I were in a bar talking to some chick and you were there, you’d either be a serious threat or we’d be wingmen.

    Thing about the army is: it was good for you, definitely, but that’s not the case for everyone. I don’t only mean the good guys who got killed, I mean the good guys who have to deal with wheelchairs now, or the guys with PTSD (which I don’t understand, but it seems pretty fucked).

    The way I’m thinking about it is: when I have a son, would I rather he be go off and possibly be killed serving the interests of a bunch of chickenshit rich guys?

    Anyone who thinks army guys are beta should say that to the face of any of my mates from the army.

    My point, though, is that a lot of those guys in the army deserve better than to be risking everything for the wimpy assholes who call the shots and who don’t give a shit about them. I wouldn’t want that for my own son, if we could help it.

    • Jim

      Yeah, I’ve heard the claim that joining the army is beta, but for the guys I know who are in it (especially the guys who did dangerous stuff like sf, rangers, eod etc..), it has more to do with the challenge and risks associated with these jobs. Climbing everest or k2 is an extreme challenge and if thats what you’re into then imagine being paid to do it?

  • Dulst

    Right on the money. I think the reason people obsess over if something is alpha or beta is because the definitions have lost their meaning. People go on and on about specific behaviours and whether they are alpha or beta, but reality is much simpler than that. An alpha affects his world, the beta is affected by his world.

    Going on the 10pm ice cream run is beta if you’re doing it because you have to. But if it’s because you want to, it’s as alpha as wrestling a bear.

    Those 4 words, “because I want to”, can settle almost any alpha/beta arguments.

    Except that betas tend to lie to themselves an everyone else when they say they do something because they want to.

  • Savrola

    Dogma…deleting comments that make you uncomfortable.

  • Professor Mentu

    “Some day we’re all going to be old men, sitting on a rocking chair or hospital bed. Even if we’re surrounded by family, we’ll spend more of our dying days inside our own heads.”

    …and alone, I might add.

    This is an excellent post, and the underlying theory here is probably the reason Ahsur and I took so much shit for our description of Alpha/Beta this month. He and I have actually been discussing dropping the whole thing and looking for alternative words to use, because so much of our message gets lost in the never-ending fight over the definition of Alpha.

    Are you happy? Do you live your life on your own terms? Then there you go. That’s as good as it gets.

    Excellent post.

  • aneroidocean

    Alpha does not mean perfect, Alpha does not mean 100% emotionless asshole, Alpha especially doesn’t mean caring much about what others think or if what you’re doing is Alpha.

  • carioca

    Trying hard to fit in the alpha standard is beta.

    Acknowledge your betaness and giving a shit about it is alpha.

    Conclusion: there´s no conclusion.

    Be “yoursalpha”!

    • Chi_Banger

      I like the second sentence the best, gonna go put it into practice!


    Our life is about memories. If we can not share it with our sons and daughters….. than what was it all about?

    This in itself a definition of ‘well-lived” life.

    It is all about the experience…… Be it good or bad.
    Our children learn from our mistakes and make it better for themselves.

    What is called ALPHA in US is what was normal way to deal with women in the old country of Ukraine.

    Kill or be killed……… Fuck or be f..u..c..k..e..d…………..

    Labels are just that………….. a label…. Every relationship is unique……. If you can not control it………. than it is to be judged….. because the woman will let it be known….

    And if it is ………… you are a looser…..

  • Whitehall

    Shakespeare had a famous speech that sums it up:

    We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
    For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
    Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,
    This day shall gentle his condition;
    And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
    Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
    And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
    That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.

    That’s the way I feel about veterans.

  • Smeq

    Why are you so worked up over the fact that some think joining the military is beta?

  • Rivelino

    jesus that was good.

    your writing is getting better and better

  • Rivelino

    “Are you happy? Do you live your life on your own terms? Then there you go. That’s as good as it gets.”


    back in the day, i defined it this way:

    alpha = a man who lives for himself, and not for anyone else

    beta = a man who lives afraid of what others think of him

    something like that