Is leaving the comfort of home for a place where you will be friendless and tormented beta? Do the Real Alpha Males remain home with mommy and daddy (or, given single parenthood rates, just mommy dearest), playing video games and eating Doritos?
Is spending a Summer in an environment so hot and humid that people pass out from heat stroke, and need intravenous fluids in order to survive beta? Do the Real Alpha Males drink Gatorade after a grueling WOW sessions?
Is learning how to keep your mouth shut, not smirk or show any emotion when being screamed at beta? Or do the Real Alpha Males complain to moderators on Internet message boards that people are “bullying” them.
Is throwing hand grenades and shooting M60 machine guns beta? Are the Real Alpha Males faggots who have never even owned a gun (while nonetheless proclaiming on the Internet that they are prepared for the coming coming race war)?
Is standing in a concrete room full of tear gas and not being a little fucking pussy and crying beta? Are you the Real Alpha Males afraid of smoking cigarettes?
Is sleeping in your boots because taking them off would mean they would literally not fit back on (as the boot is acting as a makeshift split on a severely sprained ankle) beta? Do we find the Real Alpha Males at the New Balance store, buying specialty footwear to address their overpronation problem?
Is hiking 14 miles with a full combat load beta when you can hear your hip click with every step? Are the Real Alpha Males at REI, buying Cliff Bars and Vibram Five Finger Shoes?
Is it beta to locate an index-card sized target at 2 a.m. when you have nothing but a map, compass, and pace counter beta? Are the Real Alpha Males out at 2 a.m., using credit cards and bravado, trying to put their porn-induced impotent dicks into fat American pigs?
Is learning how to deal with the death of close friends beta? Are the Real Alpha Males those who have never known hardship, struggle, or loss?
Is being in the Army beta? I don’t know, but I do know that you kids are in the wrong neighborhood if you think banging 6s and circle jerking each other online gives you any insight into what it means to be a man.