Self-Defense for Men

Wherever men congregate to talk about women, a common question arises: What’s the best self-defense/martial art for men? The debates are endless and generally pointless, because the guys who argue about this stuff don’t actually fight.

Everyone has an opinion, and you can tell right away that most everyone is full of shit.

I’ve been in well over 100 fights, boxed in a ring, and fought MMA. I’ve had my nose broken twice, had shoulder separations and broken bones from training, and knots so deep that I had to lay on a lacrosse ball to get relief, and a Thera Cane become my best friend.

When foam rolling my knots, I heard the sound of scrunching cellophane.

Street fighting is, to me, a joke.

After getting my nose broken in a Combat Sambo match, I went to a Turkish bath house is a shitty New Jersey neighborhood. After we ran out of vodka, I walked through the ghetto for another bottle. The Russian mob boss wanted me to move out East to work for him. Recently my eye was split open after a guy sprinted across the street, sucker punching me. I laughed about it.

Do you know what the best self-defense is for men?

It’s something that – if I had to choose – I’d value above all else. It’s also an answer that tells me right away whether a guy has been around, or is just another pathetic keyboard player.

Wait for it.


Yeah, that’s how you can tell whether a guy knows what he’s talking about.

If you have broad shoulders, some trap muscles, and a thick back, guys generally going to fuck with you.

When I boxed at 163 pounds, more guys were willing to fight me than when I bulked up to 240 pounds. I was quicker, more agile, and just fucking meaner and more desirous of inflicting pain at 163. My lighter self would have fucked my heavier self up.

Yet guys size each other up by height and weight. If you’re carrying more, well-proportioned weight, you’re not going to get much drama.

The best self-defense for the player is to stop arguing over the “best” martial art, and to get under the bar. Put on 20 pounds of muscle, and you’ll find that most men have no interest in starting a fight with you.

To win without fighting is best.”

  • Rob

    Exactly right. Deterrence is the best strategy. I’d also recommend not smiling and walking purposefully, especially if you live or are traveling to a city.


  • johngdc

    this is great advice. and the chicks dont seem to mind either, right?

    i will make one point on behalf of training an actually combat sport though. there is something about the look in your eye you have when you’ve trained extensively. it just says, dont fuck with me, or i dont really give a fuck. bullies and those looking to pick fights like to see people scared, and if you’re not, it turns them away.

    i’ve had bones broken, concussions, sprained jaws, bloody noses, black eyes, the whole bit (you shoulda seen the other guy) and because of this, i realize getting hit in the face aint that big of a deal. its that lack of fear that keeps people away.

    either that or its because i’m 6’4 255.

  • kingtut

    Somewhat disagree. I agree that one has to intimidate but I don’t agree that you need excess weight. I wrestled for 6 years. There is a look that intimidates at any weight.

    A strong neck, traps, and a fearless look says I’m not an easy fight.

    This is true in all weight classes. The most intimidating guy at the weight has a strong neck, traps, and looks like he wouldn’t mind ripping your arm off.

    I’d recommend years competing in a combat sport. Getting strong not big. Taking punches and injuries to naturally project a tough vibe.

    True nobody wants to fight the guy over 220 but also nobody wants to fight the guy who looks like he’s being in his full share of physical confrontations.

    • dangerandplay

      No one at the bar is intimated by the 135 lb. wrestlers.

      • Legion

        They might not be intimidated at first….Till they get called out. Let’s face it, if you’re a bad-ass wrestler (and the 140lb class is frickin tough) it doesn’t matter what people think. You KNOW you can take (hell humiliate) most guys you run into. Heck you hope someone underestimates you. I recently saw it first hand. Up and coming skinny geeky 170 lb MMA fighter crosses paths with JACKED 220 roid dude who thought he was the bull of the bar and shoves Geek out of his way. Geek-boy called his bluff, pushed back, taunted and dared muscle stud to engage. Maybe it was his stance, maybe the audacity with which skinny geek taunted. Whatever it was muscle dude knew he was beat without a fight. All hat, no cattle.

        Having a choice, be the wrestler, boxer or MMA fighter. The confidence of knowing will trump puffery and whiskey bravado all the live long day.

        Bring it.

        PS Nice blog

  • dangerandplay

    Legion, you mistake the argument I made with the one you responded to.

    My argument: Muscles matter. Flowing from this, small muscles matter, too. Thus, justifiably or not, people will not be intimidated by 135 pound wrestlers, contra kingtut.

    Indeed, using my own experience as a man whose adult body weight has fluctuated by 100 pounds: My initial post noted that smaller can actually be more dangerous while being perceived as less dangerous.

    We’re smart guys around here. You gotta follow along if you’re going to keep up.

    Then again, I also recognize that guys like to non-responsively comment as a way of venting or writing a micro-blog. That’s cool, as long as the comment evidences an intelligent poster.

    • Rob

      Ha…1 in 10 people have critical reading skills I’d consider adequate to follow writing of any nuance or substance. Maybe on this blog the ratio gets bumped to 3 in 10.

  • Legion

    Your theory that “muscles matter” and comprise “the best self-defense” to which you ascribe “value above all else”, that is at best naive and silly. Your “strategy” (lol) is easily and often rendered useless by the nearest bottle, bat or pocket weapon. I’m compelled to point out that a display of muscles is not a means of self defense whatsoever. And while you probably meant a display of muscles may help you avoid an altercation altogether, this lasts right up to the point your bluff is called and ass kicked.

    The most vivid sign of a weak argument is an insult in the face of criticism. You are correct, you are far too logical for me to follow and yes you have uncovered my hidden desire to write a mini-blog evidenced by my comment. Regarding your alleged superior intellect, perhaps you can buttress your “muscles are the best, most valuable self defense” theory with concurrence from any reputable self defense source.

    Until then I stand behind my alternate advice: Having a choice, be the wrestler, boxer or MMA fighter. Better still, learn basic principles of personal safety from someone who has a clue.

    • dangerandplay

      You sound butt hurt. Might I suggest a coffee enema?

    • Simon

      Legion, see what dangerandplay did there, thats called DHVing or negging or whatever the fuck the gamers call it. It’s a sign that a bloke has discarded any trace of authentic personality and replaced it with an “alpha” identity buttressed by status-signalling/seeking. In other words being a passive-aggressive faggot.

      The fact you have a counter-argument that dismantles his original thesis is irrelevant. Don’t you get it?


  • Fernando

    Well if you are the sort who likes to get in random bar fights then yeah, being small and dangerous is better than just being big, BUT if you go to bars to have a good time wiht friends/have sex and you want to avoid people messing with you in the first place being big is better.

  • Nine Furies

    Size definitely helps. But the one time it doesnt help will probably cost ya alot.

    I started bouncing a decade ago and was just into lifting and juicing back then walkin around at 5’11 230. First real shithole bar I worked at got a bottle busted over my head the first or second week. At one point I decided it was better to focus on fighting skills. So I started with kung fu for a year then went straight into mma and had first fight a year later.

    Now im alot smaller(between 180-200) but am so much more dangerous. Whenever I was at my smallest due to injuries I definitely had more people try and test me.

    I would say that overall size is great if you dont wanna put any effort in to learning how to fight or you cant take a punch or somethin. But just be aware of the types of people/situations to avoid if you arent prepared to physically defend yourself.


      Also, another valuable point Nine Furies.


    I like this post D&E because you hit the nail on the head and that is size does matter. Its like the famous Charles Atlas once said and that is “NO ONE BULLIES A STRONG MAN.” I work in the N.Y School system and being a 265 pound Bodybuilder who can fight MMA style, works to my advantage.