Most of us don’t yet recognize – yet alone – admit a fact that defines our existence. Namely, we give complete strangers an incredible amount of power over our lives.
Imagine you’re at a coffee shop by yourself when a cute girl walks by you. She sees you, smiles, and flicks her hair. It’s obvious she wants you to approach. You’re about to get up when…you stop.
There are other people around. What if your approach fails. These people will judge you. You’ll be so ashamed.
What is the girl thinks you’re a total loser? What if she thinks you’re a creep?
Who cares what those people think?
Why do you care so much about the approval of complete strangers? If you forgot your wallet at home, how many people would even spot you $5 for a latte? If you were having a heart attack, do you think any of them would bother calling 911? They don’t care about you. Why do you care so much about them?
A few years ago, as part of my path to self-development, I began eliminating shame from my consciousness. I started off small – for example, by wearing a shirt that was too flamboyant for a straight male. People would sneer. At first it bothered me. Then, as with all things in life, I acclimated. I began feeling nothing.
I’d make more approaches of women on buses and subways. People would often gawk or eavesdrop. Some seemed downright happy when I didn’t get the girl’s number. Yet consider what sort of boring life a hater must lead. I’m the most interesting thing that happens to most people. How pathetic.
Life is progressive resistance. In the gym you add more weight to the bar, and in life, you add challenges until you hurt. Adaptation requires overload.
The other night I went out in cowboy boots, and leather jacket with fringe, and a cowboy hat. The guys in front of the bar were checking ID’s. They flagged me and my crew right through – assuming that I was a celebrity. Girls were all over me.
Most guys would have feel like a complete tool wearing my outfit. Yet I felt normal. Relaxed. Comfortable. I felt no shame.
The only people whose opinions should matter are those who are there for you. I have a core group of friends. They are people I have been loyal to, and who have helped me in my own time of need. If they disapprove of something I’m doing, then I’ll listen. I may disagree and continue doing it. But I’ll feel something when they speak.
Complete strangers? Who care? What they think or feel shouldn’t prevent you from approaching a girl. Eliminate shame, and you will have eliminated the single biggest game killer.