What’s the Point of Game?

A recent comment illustrates an approach to game that is different from mine.

In a post about how I meet women, the guy told me that I should be making more approaches:

But I disagree completely with no approaching. You may think you’re doing what you want by relying on your high value to draw women to you, but what is wrong with supplementing your success with many approaches to get women who are hotter than you would normally pull?

If I give off the impression of a man who never approaches, that’s a false one. I do make a reasonable number of approaches, though probably fewer than most men reading game sites. Let’s assume that according to a Platonic ideal, I don’t make enough approaches. Why don’t I approach more often?

Some men treat meeting women like a video game. You want to score points by getting numbers, making out, having notches, and collecting flags. That is perfectly cool, and that used to be me.

I remember the days when I used the lingo. I’d speak of “number closes” and “kiss closes.” Overcoming approach anxiety to approach an attractive woman in broad daylight, with an audience, was exuberating. The buzz was greater than any other intoxicant. I’d tell all of my friends.

I remember my first make-out session with a hot woman at a bar, the first time a girl gave me a hand job in a busy street while people tricked out of the Hemlock (causing the cops to approach us), and the first time a woman gave me a blow job in the back of a bar. I’ve fucked chicks in alleyways near popular bars, and finger-banged girls on dance floors. Some of stories seemed so incredible that even good friends didn’t believe me.

Meeting and banging lots of different women all the time is novel, and the novelty has worn off. Now my approach to meeting women is different.

Today my focus is on having regular sex with attractive women while not dealing with too much hassle, drama, or bullshit. For example, when a woman shit tests me, I usually blow her out rather than find a way to pass her test. In my experience, women who shit test you are bitches. I can play the game well enough to fuck her. But do I want to?

Forget that noise. On Friday I made one girl beg her friends to leave the bar after my response to her shit test. She had shit tested my attire, and so I made her question her self-worth and prophesied her future spinsterhood.

I remember reading one of Roosh’s posts on Twitter, where he noted lacing up his shoes felt like work. I remember the days of doing non-stop approaches. It was a great experience, and it’s something every man who wants to meet great women must do.

Now, though, I would rather live a lifestyle that attracts women who are down to fuck regularly rather than go out hunting all the time. I live a healthy lifestyle, and prefer sleeping, reading, and hanging out with my friends to collecting notches.

Obviously I am still interested in meeting more women, or having this blog and reading Day Bang would be a waste of time. My difference with many of you is measured in degrees rather than in kind. I would rather meet one or two really cool (or at least tolerable) girls whom I bang regularly for 3 months, than bang several new chicks each month. Yet, like you, I remain interested in meeting new, beautiful, and exciting women.

Using “lifestyle game,” I am able to get the sex I want with the women I want. Getting laid on a man’s terms the entire point of game. If you want to meet dozens of women, god bless you. That’s simply not where I am right now, and thus my game may differ from yours.

  • Adrian

    Interesting.

    I guess, ultimately, what you are saying is that you prefer quality (in more ways than one) over quantity. Personally, I share your view.

    One other point. I hang-out at one of the best bars in the city in which I live. The last thing I want is to get a reputation as the guy who hits on, or approaches, every girl in the bar. I do what I think Roosh has said before. I have my regular spot in the bar where girls will regularly pass by and then maybe I spark up a conversation with a girl but only if she looks the type i’m interested in. My reputation is too important to me and i want to be known for the right reasons. Whatever…

    • http://dangerandplay.wordpress.com dangerandplay

      What are you getting out of a “reputation”? Free drinks? Deep and meaningful friendships? Sex?

      I’m not dismissing your concern for reputation outright. Often, though, people treat reputation as an intrinsic rather than instrumental good.

  • samseau

    Adrian:

    “I guess, ultimately, what you are saying is that you prefer quality (in more ways than one) over quantity. Personally, I share your view.”

    Here’s the catch. Quality and quantity increase at the same time. I’ve never had one increase without the other. That’s the curse of the alpha. To save time, you gotta become a picky motherfucker.

    But to get quality, you must already have quantity. There’s no way around this unless you’re a beta herb who manages to get one cute girl and then falls in love only to become her beta slave.

    “One other point. I hang-out at one of the best bars in the city in which I live. The last thing I want is to get a reputation as the guy who hits on, or approaches, every girl in the bar. I do what I think Roosh has said before. I have my regular spot in the bar where girls will regularly pass by and then maybe I spark up a conversation with a girl but only if she looks the type i’m interested in. My reputation is too important to me and i want to be known for the right reasons.”

    How big is your city? Lol, you are concerned about your rep at a bar for hitting on women…? What the fuck? lol. Is this a gay bar? I’ve got a rep at my favorite club… and guys respect me for it. The bouncers let me cut the line, the bartenders serve me before others, and the cute cocktail waitresses always say hi. Because I’m a player.

    As for the post.

    “Today my focus is on having regular sex with attractive women while not dealing with too much hassle, drama, or bullshit. For example, when a woman shit tests me, I usually blow her out rather than find a way to pass her test. In my experience, women who shit test you are bitches. I can play the game well enough to fuck her. But do I want to?”

    That is fine and dandy. And I maintain the only way to find these low-drama girls is to approach a SHITLOAD. They won’t throw themselves at you. Most of these girls are shy and submissive, so they need you to approach.

    It’s like this. Out of 30 women, 20 of them will be unattractive to me. Of the other 10, 5 of them not be attracted to me. Of the remaining 5, you might only get along with 1 of them.

    Therefore, the rules are simple. If she’s cute enough for me to fuck, I must approach. Not approaching means you might not find a cool girl to get down with.

    “Now, though, I would rather live a lifestyle that attracts women who are down to fuck regularly rather than go out hunting all the time. I live a healthy lifestyle, and prefer sleeping, reading, and hanging out with my friends to collecting notches.”

    Don’t get me wrong. I spend no more than 12-hours a week gaming new girls. For most weeks, I spend less than 10.

    But when I am in an environment conducive to getting laid, I approach like fucking crazy to make the most of my game time.

    “Obviously I am still interested in meeting more women, or having this blog and reading Day Bang would be a waste of time. My difference with many of you is measured in degrees rather than in kind. I would rather meet one or two really cool (or at least tolerable) girls whom I bang regularly for 3 months, than bang several new chicks each month. Yet, like you, I remain interested in meeting new, beautiful, and exciting women.”

    I like to do this too, but I mix it up. I’m not interested in collecting “notches” either. I could give a fuck about a number. I’m interested in having great sex with cute women that get me really hard.

    And the only way to really do this consistently is with a lot of work, i.e. approaching. If I feel like saying “I don’t feel like approaching this girl”, and then I find myself in the midst of a dry spell or fucking girls I’m not really interested in, there’s only myself to blame.

    Therefore,

    “Once a man starts living the lifestyle of a man – that is, one filled with masculine activities – the women will come to him.”

    I think is only half-right. Women will not come to him even if he has an attractive lifestyle. But women will be 10x more receptive to his approaches.

    So game on, my brother.

    • http://dangerandplay.wordpress.com dangerandplay

      You equate “work” with “approaching.” I equate “work” with “building a lifestyle.”

      The upside to “lifestyle game” or “natural game” or whatever guys call it, is that the lifestyle remains even after the woman has left.

      Lifestyle is building a house that you invite women to. Once the women leave, you still have the house.

      • samseau

        I don’t see why you wouldn’t consider it a lifestyle choice to approach women for 9-12 hours a week.

        And the analogy holds; should a woman leave me, it’s okay because I’m approaching new prospects, as I regularly do.

        I also lift weights, because it helps attract women, among other things, and this is a lifestyle choice.

  • http://www.rooshv.com Roosh

    I have noticed that some guys new in the game are overly worried about their reputation. First question I ask is: what reputation are you protecting? The one where no one sees you with girls?

    Sure, don’t run around like a horny monkey (pick a good spot like Adrian mentioned), but we’re not living in tribes of 150 people anymore. Who cares about your rep when you live in big cities..

    • http://dangerandplay.wordpress.com dangerandplay

      I have a post set to schedule dealing with that topic. “Reputation” is just another way of saying, “what people who wouldn’t loan me $5 for a coffee think of me.” Freedom requires an escape from the prison of seeking approval from others.

  • http://romeomaldini.wordpress.com romeo maldini

    “an escape from the prison of seeking approval from others.”

    HUGE

  • Timothy

    I would think reputation would only come into play in social circle, where you’re encountering the same group of people all the time. Then you’re behavior would be noted and remembered by others. But in a large city with several night spots? Nope. Even if you go to one place regularly, there would be more than enough turnover of patrons that no one would know or care who you were. The staff might remember you, but they wouldn’t care because you’re a loyal, paying customer. As long as you’re not a jerk that abuses staff and starts fights, they’ll HOPE you approach chicks and buy them drinks…

  • Timothy

    Excuse me…I mean YOUR behavior.

  • http://neointhegame.wordpress.com Neo

    While I also strive for lifestyle game, I find that I must still approach, and ‘work’ so to speak. I don’t think this will ever end. I work on myself to develop a more interesting life, but many of my hobbies and activities do not put me in front of hot women on a consistent basis, so approaching is clutch.

  • Lucifer

    I never do more than 5 approaches a night. Usually 1-3. Last week I only needed one. Also my approaches in bars don’t look like a big deal, just a comment over my shoulder to a girl waiting for her friend or something like that… In clubs so many men are just too shy or too drunk and acting like idiots that it’s quite easy just to be chilled, normal and cool.

    No reputation to blow. Keep it natural. Even if your wife was out on the town guys would talk to her as that’s how it works so no need to worry about people seeing you.